The journal of Clyde Brown
2.2.09
Greetings February! The weekend was uneventful. Listened to the television throughout. We don't have TVs of course, especially in isolation, but with a little convict magic one can pick up several stations of TV through the radio: CNN, TBS, TNT, USA, ESPN I and II, and Fox, oh, CBS and ABC also. It's like a blind man watching TV but its doable. You can enjoy most movies by just listening to them if you've got a little strength in the imagination department and provided they're not action flicks- that doesn't work too well. Many of us will spend the weekends listening to movies, I usually do.
I try and remember back to the days before things got crazy. How did it become like this in my life? I know that question can't be answered just like that. But I think the secret and profound value is not in asking just once, but asking on a regular basis. Of course the sad part of that is when I remember how things were when things made sense, resentment surfaces over the turn things took. But the logical side of me absolutely resists laying any actual blame, so there is conflicting sentiment there. Maybe it's not significant and I should just move on.
The funny thing about doing time is for the most part you do not grow emotionally. That's why the majority of convicts will be back here. It's not a lack of intelligence, though that phenomenon does dominate here. It's a lack of will, really. A person enters these gates a child (mentally) and leaves a child, with little exception. These men in here have not the will nor any other necessary mental powers to transform themselves. It is a sad truth. Most will never even make a go of it or set a goal, whether unreachable or not.
I vow to set goals, try my damnedest to reach them and make every valiant effort to transform myself entirely from the person who walked into this place. As they say, "Enough is enough." To be continued...
2.3.09
I have to try and stop judging. Despite the fact that I'm surrounded by degenerates, I know that I myself am not without many faults. Still, it's hard for me not to call a spade a spade. I realize that in general we all are here for leading selfish and destructive lifestyles. But those around me (I'd say 98%- a high figure I know) do nothing more than exist on a daily basis. They do not exercise their brains, they do not engage in productive or intelligent conversations, nothing. They do nothing all day but argue with each other, discuss meaningless institutional crap, and vegetate. Rare is the man in here who keeps busy doing a litany of things and whom I can converse with on my level. Currently there is one, my next door neighbor, out of a pod with 64 people in it. Sad indeed! Of course if we weren't all locked down we'd just be engaging in the same barbaric and institutional bullshit that got us on permanent lockdown in the first place. But hell, then at least there'd be some excitement. That was a pretty destructive thought, I know. Old habits die hardest. I've actually tried talking sense to some which I've felt a kinship with for whatever reason. It's essentially a waste of good air. These people are stuck in a mode they can't get out of. The lowest of the low. I've attempted to talk to a few, show them how bad it really is with this environment and those who are institutionalized by it. I throw in there a glimpse of hope that it is possible for them to transform themselves, but it falls on deaf ears. I suppose if it's nonproductive to do so I should cease and desist, but I do have a heart for my fellows sometimes. I should definitely concentrate on myself. Those around me play no significant role in my life, save to bear witness how not to be, so that's a positive. I'll end on that note. To be continued...
2.4.09
My grandmother and I share the same enthusiasm for learning and place it in the same realm of significance. If I wanted I cold have a certain amount of money sent to my account every month for stuff I need and to make my stay a little more comfy. I opt for books. Once a month I will forego the money in favor of a book order. She is happy to indulge me and I am happy to do without the funds. If I really need something I'll ask or just hustle it up myself through art or something. I'm quite the artist but don't have the patience for it half the time. Anyway I love and cherish my books. Erudite literature is something to be proud of in this place of the damned. Recently one of my aunts (Auntie M) got on board and has committed to a twenty spot on the first of every month. Surprisingly if one is frugal he can stretch a twenty out all month! A little goes a long way in here. My essentials are Ramen soups, coffee, tea, sweet'n'low, hot chocolate, and hot sauce. I'm not that needy am I? Things like stationary and hygiene items generally don't need to be bought monthly- they last awhile.
I tend to look at most of these fools with disdain (more disdain, I know- I don't think it can ever disappear) because they get more money than I, yet can't hold onto shit. They buy from the store (commissary) on impulse and go through everything they have within days like dope fiends. Then they've got to ask someone else for coffee or soups or whatever, when if they bought with a little sense it wouldn't be that way for them. It's getting to where I don't even contact with anyone around me, with few exceptions. I don't mind helping out the next man, but a man's heart bleeds when he must beg for every meal.
Don't take me wrong, I'm far from misanthropic. Put me around some intelligent, decent folks and I'm good to go. That's not to be found here. To be continued...
2.5.09
I'm doing a silly little experiment in self-control and discipline this month. So far it's working. I bought a large bag of instant hot chocolate the other day at the commissary (here in isolation they will round up our ID cards and store lists on certain days of the month, fill our orders and bring the stuff back to us). I love my chocolate- it goes in with my coffee. Sort of a cappuccino effect there! So I told myself I wouldn't touch it for awhile. I've no real reason to do this, I just wanted to see if I could since I usually indulge in the chocolate on a daily basis. I'll end with that. To be continued...
2.6.09
I remembered a snippet of a dream sometime last night. A few years ago I hooked up a computer- illiterate buddy of mine with a computer and told him the ins and outs of the Internet and broadband, etc. this was my dream- an extremely condensed version of this episode of my life. It ended with me wooing some pretty, young lady at the same buddy's house. Interpretation: I haven't a clue. I think it was just a good memory, nothing therapeutic by the ole brain. I'd like to get a good book on dream interpretation and study up on the matter because I believe somehow that dreams are the unconscious mind's attempt at working through issues or problems, dilemmas, or even psychosis. Carl Jung is renowned for his work on dream therapy. It's something that interests me a great deal. If you couldn't tell by my choppy thoughts here, I'm at a loss for words this morning. I'm a little irritable because I missed recreation today. The officer working the pod arrives at 6 AM and walks around to each cell and makes a "rec. list." You must be at your door with your light on or you do not get on the list. And they don't announce it or any such- they just sneak around quietly hoping to keep the list to a minimum since ultimately it's less work for them when it comes time to run us all to "recreation" for an hour. Gods forbid they let us all out of our cages for an hour. Regardless, I overslept this morning. Arghh! To be continued...
2.7.09
I have a fear that prolonged amounts of time in isolation has the potential to rob me of my sanity and humanity. Hopefully I'll be outta here before that happens. As it stands I've got a couple of years left in isolation to look forward to (not exactly "look forward" to) before they'll cut me loose from this jail within a jail, prison inside a prison. Sometimes I feel like the Birdman of Alcatraz. At least he had his birds. I think the birds are what kept him going, actually. Maybe that was the point, duh! Having the birds allowed the man to keep his sense of humanity, to maintain an interest and appreciation of life. I don't think these folks realize the impact extended periods of time in isolation can have on the mind. And when you're already dealing with a lot of weak minded convicts, the isolation can destroy.
Luckily for me (in my opinion) I've got a hell of a strong mind. There's really nothing they can do to break me down. I think the things that maintain my interest and appreciation of life are family and an influx of information via books. Also the informational shows they have on AM radio keep the brain stimulated and somewhat in touch with the human element out there. I've got my feelers out to try and plug myself into the internet from afar, but I've only just begun trying to do that so it hasn't proved fruitful yet. I miss my Internet! Main interests there have always been software and, of course, filesharing. I can't imagine the advances that will have taken place by the time I taste freedom again. It will probably be like learning to read again. I don't know if the "riding a bike" analogy will prove true with tech advancements and computer stuff. We'll see. I'll end on that note. To be continued...
2.8.09
I'm going to have to make this brief. I've sat and stared at this paper for ten minutes with no real coherent thought to put down. Perhaps it's going to be one of those days. To be continued...
2.9.09
Yesterday didn't turn out too terrible. Pretty mundane, but not too terrible. Studied a little chess, did some recreational reading from Stephen King's Dark Tower series and wrote a few letters. I'm really concentrating on making as many contacts as I can for my betterment. Doing so or accomplishing a handful of contacts serves a dual purpose: it bridges my gap from the humanity of the outside world and provides me with potential resources which can aid in my ultimate betterment as a person. And hell, if I make a few good friends along the way, all the better. So maybe what I'm doing serves a threefold purpose, who knows. I would be eternally grateful if I were plugged into the web somewhere. This isn't really my family's cup of tea, so I'm reaching out to this kind woman in Nevada for this purpose. Go team! Most of these individuals in here probably couldn't even turn on a computer but it's my forte. We'll see what becomes of Connie (the woman in Nevada). From what I know of her thus far she is absolutely selfless, and in a world which I still consider as cold for the most part, this warms my heart. I don't know if it's my nature or the nature of the world around me but I can't seem to help a sense of cynicism. But honestly I think it's healthy! Call it pragmatic, if you will, but I think it comes simply from my inner skepticism and the honest way I've studied and viewed the world in my short time spent on this planet. Of course I don't have all the answers (obviously) but I feel I'm fairly perceptive in knowing that things don't operate as they seem. Enough said. To be continued...
2.10.09
You're never outgunned if you're armed with knowledge. I don't know who said that but I think it's quite profound. There is a source for information, a website, that I am eager to tap into. It is infowars.com and is run by an interesting fellow named Alex Jones out of Austin, TX. He has another site called prisonplanet.com. Basically the guy spends all his time and energy investigating the machinations of the U.N., the U.S. Federal Government and global corporate banks and conglomerates, and their complicitness in the so-called New World Order. The dude doesn't sound like too much of a nin com poop and a lot of people are taking him seriously. This work is in earnest and the fruit of his energy is intriguing, if anything. I've only heard snippets of what he's got going on via AM radio but I plan on more research if some of my endeavors to plug into the web pan out. Of course I was aware of many of the things he covers before I ever heard him, but in a way, hearing him the other night brought home the reality of the direction our country is headed. One of the things he talked about was the Federalization of the National Guard, something prohibited by the Posse Comitatus Act, enacted to prevent the Federal government from having too much power. It might be a thing of the past soon. It's already been amended something like twenty two times. They intend to wrest power over the National Guard from the hands of the state governors (prohibited by law) and Federalize it, giving it back to the governors, only when they agree to the new Federal mandates and only when. This is scary as hell. Obama scares me too, but no more than Bush did, or Clinton. I do not and have not believed for a long time that our president actually has any say in running the country. He looks into whatever camera he's told to look into and recites what he's told. The corporate global banking machine runs this country via the Federal government and its litany of laws and increasing civil encroachments. The dudes in congress and in the oval office are mere puppets. How can I deny this? The evidence is there for anyone to see, so I would ask all those with eyes to see to drop the delusions. America is and has been under siege. While incarcerated inside their prisons I can only hope to better myself spiritually and morally. But I can never amount to any ideal which is propagated by morally corrupt system. For this I won't apologize. To be continued...
Note/Question: Am I a product of the system?
2.11.09
These mental midgets that run the different departments here frustrate me to no end! Such morons. We get books from the library on a weekly basis. We are supposed to submit a new request every week and they deliver the book on Fridays. Well, for three weeks in a row they've given me the same book, though I've requested different books each time I've submitted a request. They do it to other inmates here too- it is sheer laziness. Oh well. It can be exasperating, but on the other hand I guess I shouldn't have put myself in prison, aye? That's why I don't like complaining too too much, although it relieves frustration to get it out on paper. This journal writing has had its benefits thus far. To be continued...
2.12.09
Today I am feeling pretty decent about me. I've got a long time to be here, but I don't honestly believe I'll come back to this place, barring some crazy circumstances. They say 40 is the new 30. I'm thankful I've still got plenty of life left to make things right in my life and to my family. I never did anything directly to any of my family so I've never really fell out of favor with any of them. Though I do realize taking myself away from them like this is a transgression in itself, so I do have some making up to do. I have some really decent people in my family, but we have all been so distant our entire lives it seems. One of my goals is to reach out to those I can and perhaps bridge these gaps. Gravity seems to have worked against us all thus far, for no apparent reasons. To be continued...
2.13.09
I don't like talking too much about things that I'm good at because it inevitably leads me to curse myself for not having used my strengths and skills to advance in life thus far. Having landed in prison is a slap in the face of the good genes I was blessed with, the quality family I come from and the vast cultural experiences I've had in my life. Yes, it angers me! I'm finely adept at language and writing. This is probably my strongest suit. My reading comprehension is excellent. I can edit. I'm handy with computers and savvy with the Internet. I'm super sharp on geography and have circumnavigated the world twice. Yet here I am in prison, wasting good years, not accomplishing a whole hell of a lot. Somewhere along the line I neglected to realize my worth and consolidate my skills into a plan for personal evolution and positive advancement! There's no telling where I could be right now, living the good life. Well, every day I try to avoid harping on past mistakes or the folly of my ignorance and be grateful that there's time to correct my path and make something of myself.
I've never really thought about how I could combine what I'm good at with what I'd enjoy to make a living. I feel I'd definitely be content doing something computer or web-related. After all, this is the future. Yet I'm actually fond of the building/ constructions trades as well. I like commercial stud framing and welding, though I don't know much about the latter.
I'm feeling good. I'm gaining momentum with structuring my daily activities. This really isn't as easy as it sounds when you're isolated all day. It's so easy to just lay around in bed and listen to music, or sleep. I've begun setting goals and sticking to them and am proud of myself for this. I'll end on that note. To be continued...
2.16.09
I left off my thoughts on Friday. Didn't write anything at all this weekend, much to my irritation. I slept the majority of it away and here are with a fresh Monday. I'm not going to be upset with myself for breaking with something I set out to do i.e. writing daily, since the weekends here (especially in isolation) can be depressing. I'm going on three years locked up. Sure doesn't seem that long. My earliest possible date for parole is December 2012. Funny the Mayan calendar ends then. Mayan cosmotheology is an interest of mine- it's said that Dec. 21, 2012 portends a cosmic shift, a galactic paradigm. How this will affect us is a mystery. There are a number of opinions but I won't go into any of them here or now. I'm feeling a bit blah. The officers here can be so petty, it drives one to much irritation! To harp on it would be useless though, and I'm not big on over complaining about circumstances I put myself in through my destructiveness. Actually in life there are lessons to be learned and all these frustrations in here are my lessons. Patience, humility, inner strength, mental fortitude.
I miss the opposite sex! Not just sex but everything. The companionship of a woman. The bitchiness. As much luck as I've had getting women though, I've never had the same amount of luck keeping them. Of course luck has little to with any of it. But I do miss the whole interaction. I've never got on too well with many dudes in the first place. One exception is what I call the "alpha-male phenomenon." I've found in my life that I've bonded closely with certain males whom I share certain characteristics; with the alpha-characteristics, like bravery and brashness. In a hunter-gatherer sense it would seem that two such individuals would repel each other like magnets, but I've found a greater amount of trust and kinship with those most akin to me in those alpha-characteristics. Funny that. In one sense it's reasonable, in that maybe on an instinctual level the alpha-males bonded for the higher purpose of the collective protection of the tribe. I don't know how I ended up on a hunter-gatherer trip but I do miss women! To be continued...
2.17.09
Hello world. You know, the whole concept of "doing time" hinges on the fact that shit gets crazy in everyone's life in this world at some time or another. And some of us react to this fact in more radical ways than others! Then society takes something away: Freedom. And isn't freedom the true nature of time? I've been given time as a free gift of my creator, and the sore spot about doing "time" in prison is that it's taken away. As humans I think everyone has a resentment about their time (freedom) being taken into things, like with our jobs. And of course this resentment exists in me too, even though it was my own decision-making skills (or lack thereof) that put me here. I'm human enough to be resentful, but realistic enough not to lay blame anywhere but on my own shoulder. The trick is getting in touch with the "free" inner me. Funny I can intellectualize this all day long, but putting it into practice is a difficulty. It's one of my greatest desires, actually, putting some of the spiritual stuff that my brain can conceptualize and understand into practice. I read and read and read but haven't crossed the abyss. Something I have learned from this experience is that #1) time is a valuable thing and shouldn't be taken for granted, and #2) getting radically reactive against things is not a good option when things get crazy in my life, even though it feels like a good idea when the world seems to be closing in on me. The big task is how to get in touch with that inner part of me who knows and remembers how things were before my life got unpredictable and crazy. When things were sane, more or less.
I can only hope that by the time this is over I will have broken my addiction to the chaotic and the unpredictable. I love, or have loved, the fast life. But it hasn't loved me. To be continued...
"Once I thought that to be human was the highest aim a man could have, but I see now that it was meant to destroy me. Today I am proud to say that I am inhuman, that I belong not to men and governments, that I have nothing to do with creeds and principles. I have nothing to do with the creaking machinery of humanity- I belong to the earth! I say that lying on my pillow and I can feel the horns sprouting from my temples."
Henry Miller
Tropic of Cancer
2.18.09
Greetings journal. I spent the majority of the day drinking coffee and listening to AM talk radio. Talk radio is like my birds and I'm the Birdman of Alcatraz. I do not adhere to "conservative" ideals really, I just find the AM airwaves and the shows/hosts themselves to be more honest and informative than the mainstream liberal media. I feel personally that liberalism and conservatism are equally silly and delusional. Both tend to put faith in the system, whereas I do not. Somewhere between the presidential election of Clinton (the Clintons, smile), 9/11 and the war in Iraq, I've lost hope in the redemption of the American political system or even the ability of the U.S. Federal government to provide the most basic care for its citizens. Let alone in the possibility of even trusting the government not to lie outright to its citizens. The wall between church and state is crumbling, the two-party system is hopelessly broken and an outright sham, and it's almost impossible to ignore the apparatus of totalitarian control being erected all around us. Need I go on? The machines that tally our votes leave no paper record any more. That in itself reeks of a fixed dictatorship: Halliburton subsidiary Kellogg, Brown and Root was awarded a $385 million dollar contract by Homeland Security to construct massive detention centers without any clearly defined statement of who can or will be detained there! Yes, I do my homework before I go running my mouth. Don't get me started on The Patriot Act and the Homeland Security laws. Thousands of pages of laws gone unread by all but the few before being signed into concrete. How far we have fallen. We've got an $8 trillion plus deficit and the economy has floated on a real estate bubble that like all bubbles is now bursting. Call me a cynic, but short of slapping cuffs on every representative of this government and bringing them up on charges of treason, there is no hope for the system. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Someone said that. Pretty profound, aye? To be continued...
2.19.09
Hello world. Another day in the life of yours truly. At some point in my writing I wanted to describe my intimate surroundings in mostly the physical sense. Imagine being locked in your bathroom. You're allowed: toiletries such as razor, toothpaste, deodorant, etc., books (if you've got someone to have them sent to you), stationary items like pen, paper and envelopes, a change of clothes, towel and foodstuffs that can be bought from the commissary. That's it. This is not how the conditions are for everyone here. This is administrative segregation- the same conditions as death row. 23 hours per day isolation with one optional hour out of your cell for "recreation," which consists of one hour out of the cell into a large cage with a basketball, a hoop and a pullup bar. You are led there and anywhere else you may need to go i.e. to see the doctor, in handcuffs. Of course you don't go too many places! Meals come through a slot in the door a couple of times a day. Doesn't concern anyone if you eat or not. Human contract consists of officers who are paid to count us several times a day, feed us, escort us to "recreation" and pass out our mail. The inmates can also communicate with one another verbally; no physical contact is possible under these conditions.
This is it, my world for the time being. They claim I am a member of what they term a "security threat group", which is the reason for the permanent isolation. So much for justices. To be continued...
2.20.09
Another weekend here. Another one soon to bite the dust. You don't really count weekends, days or anything like that when you're looking at years. Let me bring this to a short close. To be continued after the weekend...
2.23.09
Aah there we go. I feel a little refreshed. The weekend was uneventful. A lot of sleeping, really. That's not really out of the ordinary for me, but indeed, I have been quite the busy bee during the week lately. I've begun to accomplish more and do things according to some semblance of order and structure. I like it! One thing I have slacked off on though is the working out. Fortunately I'm still in good shape so I don't stress on that too much. I was quite the looker before I started inking up my body like the subway in Harlem. Of course some still are okay with all the ink- personally I wish I had a clean slate. The sad thing about that is if I did get the chance to be ink-free again I'd probably just start the process over! It's an addiction, same as any drug. Before it's all said and done I hope they'll invent some miraculous vanishing cream for tattoos. I'll do a number on myself, make myself new again, as if that's possible. Got some books in this morning- that's always nice. Really my library is one of the things that creates the most productive diversity in my world as it is. I'm so thankful my Nana understands this and helps as much as possible with it. To be continued...
2.24.09
This is probably petty and insignificant but I'm thankful for the fact that physically I've still got my youthfulness, despite being 32. I dread the day I discover my thick head of locks is beginning to thin. It will bring my mortality to the forefront of my mind, and gods forbid that happen... none of us want to face that we're mortal and that our lives are but blips on the record of time. Maybe there's a part of me that just doesn't want to grow up. But I guess everyone's got that in them, aye? It's a commonly known phenomenon for those "doing time" in prison that we don't age much physically. Of course in the truest sense this is inaccurate, but many convicts retain their youthfulness while doing time. I think this has a lot to do with a lack of any real stress in a convict's life. Of course we stress over the simple facts of being here, having our freedom taken away. But above and beyond that there's no real "stress". Most guys in here probably wouldn't agree with my assessment. They love to believe they're living stress-laden lives. They wallow in self-pity and loathing. I'm more pragmatic. We get somewhat preserved while doing time because we've got no wives, no jobs, no bills, no drugs, no alcohol, no true and real stress factors. Does this make any sense? I do believe the stresses of the real world aid in the aging process, physically and mentally. Just my opinion.
Well, being somewhat "preserved" is something I can be thankful for since there's nothing I can do to avoid this fate of doing my time. I'm thankful for the breaths of air I take daily and of all those I've got left to take. I'm thankful for the fact that I've got plenty of life left to live and make meaningful. Hell, there's lots to be thankful for. To be continued...
"What does not destroy me makes me stronger." -Nietzsche
2.25.09
I'm so thankful for being able to have a radio with headphones in this environment. If I weren't able to drown out the noise pollution I'd likely go mad! The only bad thing is there's hardly ever a time for quiet. The noise of the incessant chatter and yelling rarely stops. If one wanted to meditate it'd be near to impossible. So... the only recourse is drown out the unwanted noise with noise of your choosing i.e. music or talk radio. It'll do. Again, it's counterproductive to complain about a negative situation you put yourself in via your own bad choices. So I deal. And pretty well, I like to think. But I have to try harder with fostering a mood of inner quiet. With the loudness of this environment it's hard. Very hard. To drown out the outside noise means permeating to the outside noise, thus a no-win. But that's life. The point I guess is making it work. I will continue to try.
I worry about the country out there while I'm away from it. I fear we're going to hell in a hand basket quick, fast and in a hurry. I fear that with this communist Obama sitting on the throne the country won't be the same one I left. I do not buy into any of his sharp rhetoric or idealistic ramblings. I feel he is a wolf in sheep's clothing. I've said before I believe the "liberal" and "conservative" ideals and agendas are equally silly, but I honestly think the liberals are outright lunatics. Never have I heard a philosophy of life so antagonistic to reason and human nature. At least the conservatives are grounded in the reality of an actual document (the Constitution). The liberals are grounded in sheer fantasy. I'll end with that. To be continued...
2.26.09
Greetings world! I miss music. Really it's one of my only avenues of release and expression. I can't right out say I despise the commercial music they play on the radio, because it does in fact sustain me while doing this time. It's all you have in here. But if I had it my way I'd not listen to much commercial shit. All that mainstream stuff bores me. While a few bands have enough talent to actually create ream music, they invariably compose jams or use music mad by others which is superficially geared to the "now vibe", whatever the masses are currently feeling, political correct dribble, etc. That's why if left to my own devices you'll hear me listening to a lot of indie stuff. A lot of unknown artists. Don't get me wrong, I get into a lot of artists/bands which have made it into the commercial realm, but I've usually been a supporter for awhile, and oftentimes before they were known. I miss my metal! I like hip-hop too. I was raised on the stuff, but nowadays to me it's crap. Same old shit with not a hell of a lot of talent or substance. Having said that I miss the Internet because there does exist good music out there! When I'm in the free world you won't find me far from a broadband connection and filesharing program. I love live and rare unplugged tracks. I could go on for days naming artists and bands I love so I won't at this time. Suffice to say my main love is alternative-type rock and metal, but the list of genres is limitless also. I can say I don't enjoy any music genre that implements a harpsichord though! Boy do I dislike the sound of that instrument- why I'm unsure... and concerts, that's a whole new topic: to me there's nothing I've experienced thus far more spiritual than a kick-ass live show. With that I'll end, in longing for some good music. To be continued...
2.28.09
Sometimes I think there's only so much progress one can make when incarcerated and, what's more, isolated. I feel like that today. It's not a "one step forward, two steps back" type of feeling, but more of a "one step forward, no steps forward" type of feeling. Stagnation. Of course in reality there's no limit to how far one can advance mentally and spiritually, but the confines (physical confines) of prison can swallow those aspirations sometimes. I don't think your average, every day person can begin to imagine the conditions of being isolated for years. Years. Doesn't sound too terrible on paper. Doesn't sound too bad when you're out in the free world hustling, womanizing, having fun and living life. Whether you're living the fast life or taking it easy, you take time and freedom for granted in a major way, and days, months or years don't have much weight. But take them away and you soon realize how precious time is. It's a daily task for me to break the monotony of existence in a single, bathroom size cell. But I do it! And all things considered, I guess that's an accomplishment in itself. I must say that one who can get a grip on the tediousness of isolated life should damn well be able to master his appreciation and use of "time". It's definitely not something to be taken for granted. And for those of us inside these walls, while our minds must bear the impact of incarceration, in the realm of the spirit the inherent freedom of one's mind cannot be put into prison if you choose to not let it be. I guess that's the lesson here. To be continued...
Note to self: stop worrying about others- fix yourself!