PRISONER EXPRESS

"I do not wish to tread friendship daintily, but with roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frostwork, but the solidest thing we know. For now, after so many ages of experience, what do we know of nature, or of ourselves? Not one step has man taken toward the solution of the problem of his destiny. In one condemnation of folly stands the whole universe of men. But the sweet sincerity of joy and peace, which I draw from this alliance with my brother's soul, is the nut itself, whereof all nature and all thought is but the husk and shell."

I am not as eloquent, or as profound as Emerson, but to my friends I write from the heart, and they inspire me. In my writing journal I save the passages I've written to my friends expressing my feelings.

The first one is to my dear friend Erica, who is raising 3 boys by herself. One is severely disabled. Rikki is a strong women and successful in business, but not in love. In a letter she told me how her relationship ended, and wanted to know why? When everything seems so right, but went so wrong...

You mentioned partners, and the questions of love. Oh, sweet Rikki, what can I say? The saddest part -- you started together dancing in the moonlight, but end up lonely in the storm. It doesn't end, does it? Once something bad happens, it never stops; it changes everything. You can't go back, rewind the tape, start over, all innocent and fresh.

No, but you can survive it. I've learned that much. You can find happiness, a few seconds here, a few seconds there. But it's still happiness. It's like when you're grieving over someone's death. You never think you'll get over it, but you do. Oh, you still hurt, but you learn to breathe again, breath by breath. You have to.

There are so many sharps and flats in the scale of love--jealousy, control, cheating, lying, even passion when carried to far can finally eclipse a burning sun.

But I've met the couples who thread themselves together into a warm glove. They are few like lottery winners. For some its taken years to get there. Some made it first chance. They found their stitch in one who has the same interest, or in one who is the complete opposite. They can be rich or poor, but most often they are in the middle, happy mediums of each other. There is no formula.

Maybe, we'll win our lottery one day, or maybe not. But, we'll keep trying, breath-by-breath. We have to. It's in our nature.

The next passage I sent to my best bud, Rick. In his late 40's he went back to college, and now in his early 50's graduated this year with a master's degree. I'm going to follow his lead when I get out of prison, and go to college. He has been my biggest inspiration...my Amigo.

On May 9th of this year, I know where you'll be. We go through our house walking different corridors, stepping into rooms full of years. Looking into what they've held, and what they hold. Moving down the hall, a door here, a door there...open it...close it...sensing the atmosphere, its essence.

But there's that one-day when we know we're walking under some great arch in our living interior. The room before us decorated in the rest of our life. A day to remember, and no matter what the future brings, it will be cherished. A comfortable place to contemplate alone, or to share with those who've come through our window and into our heart.

That's your day coming up, bro. Open the door--walk in. We'll all be there, and the big Man's band is going to back you up with a tune that will forever make you smile, and get you so high on life's stage, you'll dance and sing on the sun...what a day...what a day...

I wish I could be there. Oh, I will be in thought, and singing with you...what a day...what a day...Congratulations, Rick, you master degree kinda dude.

Both my friends, Rikki and Rick, live out of state; one in Wisconsin and one in California. Being in a Florida prison, I have not seem them in over 6 years. I will be seeing Rikki this August. Phone calls from prison cost so much that we only stay in touch by letters. I try to express how I feel in my heart in written words. Their letters to me lift my heart and spirit. We've actually grown closer through correspondence.

So, if you'd like, raise your glass with me now, and lets touch them together, and hear the chime of a newborn friendship.

Always, may there be peace in your casa.