PRISONER EXPRESS

In reading Danny Harris' response regarding censorship issues in PEN, I could not agree more with him. That was a powerful piece. Danny summed up what most prisoners that have been incarcerated for a good number of years already know. Regardless of how we feel about the issues surrounding our incarceration, there is nothing productive about acting like an animal even though we may be caged like one.

In 1990, about three years into my sentence, I was sent to the Ferguson Unit here in the great state of Texas. Anyone who knows anything about Texas prisons knows that the Ferguson Unit is called The Gladiator Farm. This being because they send many young men over there that are in need of having their spirits broke. Liken it to a young cold that is so spirited it refuses to be bridled or saddled.

At this time Texas prisons were going through one of many major overhauls. Ann Richards was on her way out of office as governor and up and comers such as George W. Bush were working on their "War on Crime" platforms. There was a big push for more prisons due to overcrowding and the impact on society from having to let convicted felons out early due to the overcrowding. The taxpayers had not been completely convinced at this time and needed more persuading. At the Ferguson Unit the administration were using those young men as statistics. Most of the lights were "not working" so the atmosphere was always shadowy and dreary. In the winter the windows that had been knocked out in the summer would not be replaced and the heat would continually malfunction. In the summer the heat would be so oppressive and the ventilation system would either also "malfunction" or simply be conveniently forgotten by the staff. When we would go to work in the fields or fall out for chow the officers would be verbally abusive and constantly provoke offenders into being disruptive. All this led to offenders being constantly at the breaking point. You could feel the tension simply walking down the hallway. Because of this, there were many fights, riots, staff assaults, rapes, etc., etc. Many young lives were forever irrevocably changed simply for the need to compile data. All disruptive behavior was compiled and cataloged for use as statistical data to show the taxpayers how badly new prisons were needed to house all of these unruly offenders that could, quite possibly, be released back into society if new housing did not become available.

Each day there would be another article in the local newspaper about how some staff member was injured or some offender killed due to offender aggression. The public lived in constant fear that these offenders with their animalistic behavior would be released back into their neighborhoods to prey upon their own children. As you know, Texas had the largest prison expansion in history while George W. Bush was in office as governor.

In my edition of "Webster's New Thesaurus of the English Language," "criminal" is synonymous with "malefactor" which is related to blackguard (villain), miscreant, rascal, rogue, scoundrel, evildoer, sinner. As convicted felons we are expected to have uncontrollable, animalistic tendencies that urge us to prey upon unsuspecting innocent victims in society. This is the common view that society has of us because we are so severely limited with avenues to show them different.

The purpose of the Prisoner Express Newsletter, and all of its projects for that matter, is to give the prisoner an outlet to prove to people who know no better that we can express ourselves in artistic ways that promote positive impacts on other prisoners as well as society. There is nothing positive or artistic about violence, mutilation, gang activities, or any behavior that promotes such actions. These actions simply cement the idea from society that convicted felons are all just a bunch of violent animals that cannot function in a civilized society.

It is my opinion that the writer which promoted gang membership and violent actions in his theme essay on "taking a stand" has what I refer to as the "victim disease." He believes he is a victim of society or a "product of his environment" and that all these external factors are to be blamed for his incarceration or his personal viewpoint. He is the true victim for his criminal behavior, and because of this, his bent towards anarchy is justified. When do we come to the point where we stand up as men, not just as convicted criminals, but as men and take responsibility for our own actions? How long do we have to spew forth filth and hatred before we realize that the person we hate most is ourselves and begin to take action to change that person? There is an old convict proverb which states: "Our time spent incarcerated is not for the physical crimes in which we were convicted, but the emotional crimes in which we were not." When do we finally come to the point where we are truly sorry for the victims of our crimes. Not only the obvious victims in our crimes, but also our parents, our wives and children, all of our loved ones and the people who care for us, and most importantly, ourselves. When do we care about ourselves, as well as others enough to not want to be that same animal that preyed on innocent individuals?

Our biggest enemy in life is ourselves. Not society, not prison guards, not offenders of other races or different points of view. It is us. Each time we lash out at another human being without provocation, we are lashing out at ourselves. It is this masochistic behavior which prevents us from loving who we are hand having the ability to love others.

Rehabilitation comes from within. Prisoner Express projects give the prisoner, not only an outlet to prove that we are productive, loving people that want to be a part of society, but also an opportunity to commune indirectly with one another to encourage and enlighten one another.

Although I am a staunch supporter of the right to free speech, there is nothing encouraging or enlightening about this persons views. One does not need to look very far for instructions on how to be destructive, masochistic, or insensitive to himself or others around him. In prison these things are common practice. This is the very cycle that we are attempting to eradicate from our own personalities as well as the minds of society. Because of this, I ask that Prisoner Express protect the integrity of the newsletter as well as the other projects, and the self-respect of those of us incarcerated that truly want a change in prisoner thought. There are many, many creative, thoughtful, loving, responsible individuals behind bars that need outlets such as the Prisoner Express to be heard. I ask that you not allow points of view or the writings of individuals that promote the prisoner as an animal. If at any time my own writings are not productive in any fashion, I ask that you censor me just as you would anyone else. In no way would I ever want to be a detriment to other individual's growth.

It has been said that "we are only who we allow ourselves to be." If we are not the person we would like to be, then we have to change the person we are. We have to be willing to make the effort and bypass our own ego and decide that we do not have to be the roles that we have locked ourselves into. Do we want to always be the villain, or do we want to be the hero?