The journal of Joshua Devore
Entry 1
Sometimes during the day I will just lay on the hard cement floor of my one-man cell like a corpse and listen to all the sounds around me. I plug my vents so I can hear better. I stare up at the ceiling often, letting my mind drift. Today I was taking in the barren white walls on both sides of me and couldn't help but realize how much my cell resembles a coffin. While I'm lying there listening to other convicts yell out their doors, cops keys jinging, toilets flushing, inside my head was a voice and it keep asking myself "How did I end up here - like this?" By now I've blocked everything out around me and as this question persists, I catch a uncontrollable shiver down my spine. I realized I never want to die in a place so cold. After pondering this for a minute, it's clear that such a demise could be so easy to attain. Especially with the way I've been living my life thus far. Reckless and carefree!! Somethings gotta give...
In reality there is nothing cool about growing up "state raised". All my fantasies and dreams about love and success have been launced right here - from within one of these dust bunny-infested coffins. Each time I catch a spark of inspiration that motivates me to go out and take on the wrld, I'm bitch-slapped in the face by a steel door. All that inspiration is forced to go on hold. It's put away on my mental wishlist. It's stored in my memory banks. But at least I have a release date. Some don't have that option and the outcome of that is a cold reality. So I get thru each day with a positive outlook towards my future...
"And as I sit"
I sit here slowly
Thinkin' of all that oppose me
Checkin' the pressure from these cops
Snoopin' through my mail
Invadin' my thoughts
And when I sleep
I attempt to reach some peace
But still they creep
Makin' sure that I'm watched
And in their eyes I can see that I'm slime
Such is life in a swamp
Of beady eyes, badges, and plots
So I'm cuffed up now
Shuffling hallways instead of
Cruising the streets
Phone home
Collect calls and tear-stained cheeks
Freedom deserted
Alerted by keys now instead of a siren
Brick walls cast shadows
That hide big tough men cryin'
Babies to a system corrupt
Hard-headed crooks with mean mug looks
Lifestyle chasin' the buck
And as I sit...
A new conscious contemplating the game
My insides change
On the outside I maintain thru
Convict fame
Gettin' older, my heart's much bolder
I admit things just ain't the same
In the mirror
My reflection makes it clear...
Tired of lying
But there's no point in given up
And not trying
So I elevate my mind to help me pass the time
Keep climbing that mountain!
Always keeping track, constantly countin'
Never stoppin'
Plottin' productive ways to get paid
Upon the release of the dusty cage
Ideas debating
Contemplating daily
Patiently waiting
I got the urge to feed the need to plead my case
"Let me go!!"
"Leave me alone!!"
I need my own space to get in the zone
This place is too slow
Drip...
Drip...
Drip... Like molasses
I'm bypassin' these faces
Laughin' outta spite as these cowards
Unite and kiss the mans asses
Words of insight
Using rhymes to express my mind of times
When my plight was hectic
Getting strength when life seems
Shitty like a septic
Instead of seekin' pity I accept it
We've all made many mistakes
My life is like a book written by
A pencil with no eraser
Each page I'm scribbling my guts out
Onto this scratch pad piece of paper
Words of Insight
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