The journal of Michael Tooke
1 January 2005
Greetings to you! Thank you for your letter and encouragements on the
Journal Program. I find that I often have things to say or share and no
ears to hear them. So I find this Journal Program to be an excellent outlet
for my voice.
My views on politics lean towards the left and sometimes are rather
harsh. I have a new outlook on religion and the finger hold the church has
over people. I detest the media and the tools they use to alter the minds
of the masses. I have an obsession with art, my primary idol is Leonardo
DaVinci. Through my Journal, I can reach out to those who would hear me and
understand. Those who would connect with me and agree with my insights. Or
at least give me a good argument. Thank you for taking the time to help.
We are the forgotten few.
I have already started my journal so I will be on the right track when I
receive my note pads. Please note that in Texas NO-ONE can receive note
pads with staples in them. One of Texas' most famous of useless rules.
Please pass along my thanks and gratitude to those who work with you. I
look forward to our new venture together.
4 May 2005
The weather today was rather strange for this time of year. Cold and
windy but clear skys. Since certain events that have occurred in politics
and world issues. I have began to read the left behind series by Tim
Lahaye. I have also read the bible's Revelations and it points to stronger
events that are soon to occur. Is it all true? I don't know. I don't even
believe in the whole Jesus, God thing. But who can dispute logic? Things
like plagues, famine, one-world currency, war, natural disasters all are
found in Revelations. Now the stronger weather, I can only think someone
knew where we were headed.
I spent the talking, or debating rather, to my friend the "alien-nut."
His obsessions with the Samarians and the Annakis tends to grade on the ole
nerves when I try to talk to him about other things. He is also a
conspiracy nut who finds the establishment behind every wrong in the world.
But I enjoy the disputation. I am pretty extroverted while he's more
introverted.
I learned a new word or rather the history of a new word. My friend,
Mrs.Ramsey, was nice enough to get me a word history book. Well I try to
learn a new word each day or the history of a new word. Today I just
happened to learn the history of "ain't." The word is only about 350 years
old. So that was about all I accomplished today.
Tomorrow I plan to do some drawing and some more study of DaVinvi.
I received one letter tonight from a friend. He writes once or twice a
year. NO other correspondence.
5 May 2005
The weather is still in the 50s. No change there. I hope it stays that
way, but it only adds to the fact that the seasons are shifting further
along during the year.
Dear God I hope I don't have many more days like this. We have a snitch
somewhere amongst us. I don't mean a snitch in the sense that I am doing
wrong and in turn being told-on. I mean a snitch as in working with the
laws to cause havoc. Today my neighbor and my friend and I all were pulled
from our cells to have our cells searched. Usually they do a random cell
search every 72 hours. We know when it's coming and its usually a walk
through search, nothing major. They do a major cell searce 2 to 3 times a
year. Well twice in the past 2 weeks I have been a victim of anothers
malice. The "snitch" was in a gambling debt and he was broke. He
"mysteriously" leaves for medical treatment but in turn goes to the Lt's
office where he concocts a story to file life endangerment so he can get
moved. That is the only way to get moved in ad-seg. Well we three were his
guinea pigs. I lost a great deal of personal items and pictures. (Sigh)
How many times can you kick a dog when he's down, before he bites? I have
not been ablso to do any reading or drawing, my nerves are on ends. Deep
meditaion and some very good food is the only means of relaxing. Maybe
tomorrow will be more productive on my part. I truly hope so.
No mail for me tonight
6 May 2005
Well the weather is changing again. It is beginning to get warmer now.
The weather reminds me of an ex-girlfriend of mine. Hee hee! She would
change moods at a drop of a hat. One minute she would be rainy and dreary,
the next hot and steamy, the next cold as hell. Ha. I'm sure that perked
someones "delicate sensibility."
I actually accomplished some work today. Yahoo! I have a young lady who
sells my artwork for me on the net or at events in her hometown in Kansas.
My deadline is June 1st so I have one more board to finish then I can sit
back and wait. I have become a very good waiter. My patience level is very
good.
My friend and I discussed the DaVinci Code, by Dan Brown. I have read
two of his books Digital Fortress and The DaVinvi. Both are excellent
books. I am a hardcore DaVinci fan. I have his notebooks, biography, his
drawings and painting. (Thanks to Mrs. Ramsey) We were dissecting some of
his prophecies. That took all-day.
I learned the history of a word today, alibi. An 18th century word for
"elsewhere."
I hope to do some more work this weekend but I get lazy sometimes so I
might take the weekend off and start up again Monday. You can't force
inspiration, it has to come naturally.
I got 6 cards from Mrs. Ramsey all with paintings of L. DaVinci.
9 May 2005
Man the weather was pitiful all weekend. It rained and rained here. The
only good thing about it raining is that I'm able to pick up all my radio
stations clear. (Shrug) Don't know how but it does.
I actually lazed around this weekend. I did some reading and wrote two
letters. Today I did some drawing and was able to accomplish a little
work.
Not much else has accumulated to talk about. I was given some subjects
to talk about if I ran out so I guess I'll pick one of those.
What makes me laugh? I got to say the commercials on the radio are
hilarious. The Jack in the Box one where the dudes thinks he's lucky and
bets everything on the tracks. Then gets tazzered when he tries to get his
money back. Or how about the Sonic one where the woman is trying to get her
boyfriend to be more bold. Or the SOBE energy drink ones, they're all
hilarious. Man I could talk a day about that but I try to keep my journal
to one page a day. I could write seven pages on one day and still not say
anything important.
The word for today is ambrosia, which means immortality. It stems from
the Greek gods, days when ambrosia was the food and nectar the drink of the
gods. The had the property to prevent death.
Received on letter, Ramsey wrote and mailed a reply.
Name: Michael Shawn Tooke
Age and date of birth: 32 yrs. Old April 27th 1973
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Brown
Hair Style: Military cre-cut
Weight: 220 lbs. to 225 lbs.
Body Type: tall-slim (6'5")
Physical Condition: Not muscular but now a slob more in between
Race: White
Religion: Atheist (I've study many religions and found none to be true)
Distinguishing features: Tattooed fully on both arms, back, chest and parts
of leg. I have both ears pierced, tongue, lip, and a Prince Albert.
Physical features: I have an oval shaped face, with a long Roman nose. I
have small manly lips with strong cheek bones and chin. I have laugh lines
at the corners of my eyes. No favorite features. I wish I could have maybe
softer lips and a longer tongue. Haha!
Interaction characteristics: soft voice, talking with hand gestures. I
have a crooked smile, or lop-sided. If I ever smile fully then I'm faking
the smile. I'm very playful sometimes almost childish in my playfulness.
Ancestral lineage: I don't know about my real father but my birth name is
Rigsby, which sounds Jewish so I maybe have Jew in me. On my mother's side
she is part Indian - Comanche Indian - and part English (British) I was adopted
by my step father, hence the name Tooke and not Rigsby.
No allergies
Education level: 10th grade drop-out/GED 2 technical degrees
Areas of study: I have study 6 different religions. I have also studied
dreams. I am studying Art History, mainly Leonardo DaVinci and Renaissance
Art. Also I'm studying word histories. I have a GPA of 12.9 and an IQ of
104. That is all prison grade so they could be lower or higher. I have
also training in building maintenance, welding, electrical, major appliance
repair, landscaping, and some cooking. No military experience. I have had
a job in all the previous areas of training. I enjoy manual labor, working
with my hands.
Goals: Short term; getting out of prison
Long term; attending college for Art History at a Liberal Arts college
Desires: Short term; money Long term; a family
Needs: Short term; money Long term; commitment/stability
Ever been arrested: Ah, yeah!!! I am doing a 10 year sentence for burglary
of habitation. I have 8 years and 5 months already done. I am released
12-25-06.
My personality: I'm an easy going, thoughtful person. I'm sentimental,
playful, and funny. I'm an attentive person. I'm laid-back and a free
spirit. I'm a very sexual person too. I believe in long kisses and
cuddling I like to experiment with things. I'm down to earth.
Esteem: I'm extroverted, intuitive, accepting, and I like thinking I'm a
leader, not a follower.
Emotions: I am very in control of my emotions. I don't let my anger get
away or my depression. I do have a problem with my heart. I trust too
easily and it always turns into love. I can handle anger better than love.
I can walk away when I'm angry but I can't walk away from love. I can
handle compliments well, I just don't get them much.
Quirks: I pick my nose too much. Haha.
Positive traits: I'm a quick thinker and a people person.
Negative traits: I'm too sexual sometimes. It must be the lack of.
Good habits: I'm polite and straight-forward honest.
Bad habits: I cuss way too much, picking my nose.
Sense of humor: Hee Hee, yep I got one, if I can only remember where I put
it. Hmmmm!
Fears: Oceans of water, water, oh did I mention water.
Phobias: Drowning, drowning and drowning
Prejudices: Abortion, inter-racial marriages, and fast-foods
Opinion on other prejudices: Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
I'm not a racist but I don't approve of inter-mixing of races. We were all
born of different races. God made us that way or whatever, I'm atheist. So
I don't believe in God, per se, but we were made different for a reason and
it was not to be inter-mixed. When I say inter-mixed I mean sexually,
breeding, marriage. I have a very good friend who is black. I have friends
of other races too but we all talk about how if we allow this to continue
that white and black will not longer be two different colors or white and
Hispanic so forth and so on. Somewhere later on in the future it will be
mulatto. In order to protect both our races we have to stay inside our own.
That's my opinion, and I'm open for discussion.
I talk easily about: anything, nothing is to personal or taboo to me.
I don't get embarrassed:
Past favorite moments: Christmas with my grandparents.
Past least favorite moments: When I was high.
Past psychological scars: I was molested by a female babysitter.
Social issues you are against: I can't think of any.
Social issues you are for: Anything that helps the kids learn and progress.
Sports are not productive.
Hobbies: Drawing, reading, writing letters, and hunting
Interests: History, art, architecture, religion, cultures.
Pets: I had a dog named Buster that my step-dad ran over. I had a rat
(lab-rat) named Jerry.
Favorite TV Show: Angel, Star Trek, Next Generation, Carnivale (HBO),
Sopranoes (HBO), Deadwood (HBO), Sex and the City, Six Feet Under (HBO).
Favorite Band: Slayer, Slipknot, Ministry, Pantera, Hatebreed
Type of music: Kittie, OTER, old school Metallica, 80s hair metal, classic
rock, blues, speed metal, death metal, heavy metal, NO RAP!
Favorite Song: Disposable Heroes (Metallica)
Favorite Color: Turquoise
Favorite Movie: A Clockwork Orange/ Joe Dirt
Favorite Actor: Bruce Willis
Favorite Book: DaVinci Notebooks
Favorite Author: Robert Jordan
Favorite Sports: Golf
Favorite Pastime: reading/ studying
Do you drink: yes
How often: Not very often
Favorite Alcohol: Crown Royal
Favorite Meal: 32 oz. sirloin, baked potato
Favorite Restaurant: Steak and ales
Diet: Healthy
Clothing Style: My own, I don't follow any pattern or style. Whatever
looks good on me at the time.
Heterosexual: and very very sexual active.
Love interest; ? Cooking
Turn ons: Angelina Jolie lips, Jennifer Lopez butt, Jenna Jameson sex
appeal. Self confidence, noyeur, exhibitionist, S&M
Turn offs: Bad teeth, low self esteem, self conscious about weight. I like
big women if they don't let it stop them from having fun and enjoying
themselves. No-one wants to hear, "Oh I'm so fat. I don't want to go
swimming." Skinny women are a turn off too.
Best friend: Robert "White Owl" Richardson
Close friend: Mrs. Ramsey
Acquaintances: If you read this then were not acquaintances no-more we're
friends now. Ha Ha!
Assessment of living style: I can live anywhere. I'm a chameleon that way.
But I want to live in the mountains in a self-sufficient house. Wind mill
and solar panels for power. Well water to drink. Gardens and green houses.
Cattle, chickens, pigs, and a horse for transportation. Total
self-sufficient.
Favorite saying: "Oh-hell"
Favorite quote: Knowledge is power
My philosophy of life: We should all plan as if their will not be a
tomorrow. Don't procrastinate. Plan for the future. Give back what you
take away and always be kind to your neighbor.
10 May 2005
The weather today is beautiful. I was allowed to recreate for an hour
today. So I spend my hour looking at the trees and clouds. The grass was
so green that it looked like a crayon. When you spend 23 hours a day, 7
days a week, 365 days a year in a white cell, with white clothes, the only
colors you see are white, grey or blue, then when you see such bright greens
and blue-greens, it dazes you. I like to remember the shapes, the colors,
the shadows, of everything. It's the artist in me. I create my work in my
head before I ever start to work. I can look at a picture for days before I
ever draw it. When you start to dream about it then you know you have the
picture down. So that was what I was doing today a rec. I was memorizing
all the details of the grass, trees, clouds, and shadows.
This place runs so backwards that its predictable at times. So today
when they brought the mail to us, at 6 PM these beautiful canary yellow
tablets were brought to me. So now I can stop being so tight with what I
have to say because I don't have to conserve space now. Haha!
I am reading the biography of Leonardo DaVinci: It was written by Kenneth
Clark, back in the 30s but it was revised by Martin Kemp more recently.
Anyway, I learned a new tid-bit of information that I didn't know before.
During the 13th century or so, it was common to take the name of the city,
town, or village that you lived in as your last name. As in Michael of
Waco, for example, but Leonardo, whose last name I haven't learned yet lived
in a village called Anchiano near the town to Vinci hence Leonardo taking
the name Vinci as his last name. I assume that the word "da" means "at" in
Latin so that was how he became Leonardo daVinci. Neat huh? Now I strive
to find his family name. He is my idol, my role-model and my friend. As I
read more about him, the more I feel I know him, as if we have been friends
since childhood. Who knows, maybe I am the incarnate of someone who was
close to the man.
As I sit pondering my pitiful existence, I am often struck with an
ingenious though, only to find some other genius though of it before me. So
then I think, where did I get this idea from. I must have read it somewhere
or something (Shrug). Then I tell my friend about my dilemma, and him being
the alien nut he is, he then hits me with a whole new though. So here I sit
again pondering this new though, I forget what it was I was first pondering
so I then get so confused I give up. It could be the years of substance
abuse. So I leave the brain storming to those with the mind-control to
accomplish a complete though. HaHa!
One of my many thoughts that I did actually accomplish was of a way to
help with your staff problems. So here's a suggestion, talk to one of your
local judges who sentences the "wrong-doers" to community services. You
might also talk to parole or probation officers also, but work out a deal to
with them to allow those individuals to work off the community services
hours there at Prisoner Express. It's just a though, because you will have
a constant flow of help and there will always be "wrong-doers." It could
score them straight too. They use that tactic here with teenage kids. Its
called "Scared-Straight" where they bring in kids to see how it is in
prison. They usually tell us before hand so we can look mean and scare
them. Anyways, it was just a suggestion.
My word for today is amuse, which originally means "cheat, mislead" that
was retained through the 18th century (MF amuser to cause to waste them,
amuse, bemuse, deceive, fr. OF, fr. A- (fr.cas-) + muser to muse)
I finish one of my drawings and will be sent to Oregan soon. I look to
accomplish yet another piece for sale soon, as well. Time is money, if time
is spent wisely
I received only these tablets in the mail, no letters from anyone else.
Maybe tomorrow will be filled with missives and good fortune. I'm feeling
the Southern gentleman today. I truly declare, that this here missive has
sparked a rebellious side in me. I must sign off before the North takes
revenge on my poor poor self. HeeHee! I'm a nut
8 June 2005
Uh, this weather sure wears on us. The humility is so oppressive that it
must each of us aggreviated and short with those around us. I become a
hermit in this weather. It's so hard to write when you have sweat dripping
off you.
Not much to discuss, except it's hot, it's hot, and it's hot. Made I'll
talk more tomorrow.
No mail tonight
9 June 2005
Well the heat isn't so heavy today but it's still all together hot.
I have quiet trying to understand why people do the things they do. More
so when dealing with these correctional officers.
Lately they have been moving us around, well maybe not me but still, they
are moving ex-gang members and gang members. Now I'm not discriminatory
against anyone. I allow each person his/her faults and look to find the
good in any bad situation. I don't hold myself above any man and I try to
avoid conflicts where I have to show that I'm smarter then the next. People
tend to resent the fact that you are smarter then them. In here that's
dangerous, because they will look to get revenge. So when a man enters a
gang of "family" as their called here, there is a reason for his doing so.
Not all times are they for fear or because they don't want to fight. No,
most cases are because they get the closeness of a family that they miss
from the outside. Who wants to be alone? No-one wants to feel alone or
abandon so they join families or gangs. Show there are bad-apples
everywhere. But you would be really surprised at how many are the
boys-next-door type. Yes there are wars among rival gangs/families. They
usually start behind stealing cigarettes, or respect. Respect is a big
thing here because it's the one thing we can earn and the C.O.s can't take
that away. So if someone steps on your respect you have to defend your
honor or be made out to be weak. If you are showed to be weak then you may
become someones property or end up dead. I'm not too overly fond of having
another man blowing kisses in my ear. But if you are a gang member/family
member and you are disrespected then your fellow "bro's"/ fellow family
members will go to battle with you to ensure you earn your respect. They
won't go into the flight unless you are out-numbered then that's usually how
riots start. All of this is part of life in here.
Now that I've explained that, I don't see why they would put ex-gang
members with active gang members. To my knowledge, if you're an ex then you
are marked for death. The old saying "blood in- blood out" holds true. So
I don't know why they would endanger ex-members unless they were setting up
active members for failure. (Shurg) It's non of my business but it makes me
wonder how far will they go to keep you in prison.
Well no new word today. Been way too busy for word-search. I did write
two letters today one to Ms. Ramsey. Sweet sweet lady.
21 June 2005
This is proving to be more difficult then I had ever imagined. But as
you see I haven't given up. Perseverance and determination will keep
traveling full steam ahead. I may do a few changes in my dialing routine to
help remind me of my duty to my daily journal. I might try put bright
colored strips of paper at certain places in my cell to help me remember.
It will have to be in places I go to everyday. I don't know. I'll work on
it.
Oh God, the humidity has been truly unbearable. I don't have a fan in my
cell because of my lack of funds, but a fan would really make a big
difference. I guess it is part of my punishment, (sigh).
Recently the USA Today had an article about ad-seg. Here in Texas. The
article was about 4 inmates/ex-inmates and how seg has "mentally" hurt each
individual. The refusal of human contact, the sudden jumping at any sharp
sound, the flinching away from loud voices, the sitting staring-off into
space. See ad-seg has "no windows." It's disorientating to not know if it's
day or night. No way to see the outside unless you are at recreation for an
hour only. We have showers in our cells so we never have to leave our cells
so our only chance to leave out cell is for recreation. Then we can get
denied that for the smallest thing. It's a mental mind game. Where we as
inmates are forced to obey or be denied certain small privileges. And its
not the rules that we are forced to obey, it's the officer who holds our
submission over our heads. Like for example, waking us up at night just to
provoke a response out of us. Most chances it's a negative response because
the officer is being spiteful and has no legit purpose behind waking us up.
Then when we respond wrong we’re denied our food. These small things build
up to become big things. But I hope people read that article so they can
get a glimpse of how we are treated.
My study into Leonardo DaVinci has progressed. I was studying the
painting of the "Angel from the Annunciation (1472)". The tree in the
background was the symbolic tree of life. Also the builds at the bottom of
the tree were actually similar to the Temples of Sacred Feminine. These
temples is where the Church of Mary Magdalene are practiced. So I was
intrigued by this revelation, I could be wrong, that is why I requested more
information from my darling friend Ms. Ramsey.
My studies of Shakespeare are very enlighten to have. My friend who I
refer to sometimes as my E.T. buddy, said "Are you still reading that
faggoty Shakespeare stuff?" I had to laugh because if only he knew.
HaHa!
My word for today is barbaric. Stemmed from the Greek word barbaros,
meaning alien stranger. In the derived Greed word barbarophonos meaning
speaking a foreign language. It later came to mean or take on connotations
of rude, or uncivilized especially when the wars with the Persian began.
Barbaros is also visibly in our word rhubarb. In greed rhubars was as rheon
(the source of its neame Rheum in Latuin guise) and as rha.
We shall see what tomorrow brings.
28 June 2005
The weather has been hot. They call for a 20% chance of rain but they
have been saying that for a month now. Go figure! As long as it doesn't
get humid then the heat is bearable but if it gets just a little humid then
it will feel like it's 114 degrees outside.
I am currently reading the Professor and the Madman. I have learned some
rather interesting things. Like who wrote Alice in Wonderland, and why.
Like the idea about Shakespeare using words when there was not such thing as
a dictionary in alphabetical order with their meaning. It's said that he
used an atlas or a Thesaurus that was compiled by Thomas Cooper and he used
a book called the Arte of Rhetorique by Thomas Wilson.
But what caught my attention was, I tried to picture what it would be
like to not have a dictionary or encyclopedia. How would we learn and who
would teach us? Then I thought what would it be like if Shakespeare had a
20 volume Oxford dictionary. How much different would his work have been?
I guess I always assumed that there were dictionaries. It makes me
appreciate the work of poets, and play writs more before the Oxford
dictionary was pal out. These guys had to really work at what they did and
it was truly a work of art.
Along with my studies, I have been working at my art work as well. My
E.T. friend has started a web-site to help inmates sale their art work. So
my work will be on that sight. Ms. Ramsey still thinks my work would be
worth the criticism that I dread. I don't like for people to bash my work.
It's demoralizing. But I am almost to the point where I'd risk it, just to
know how good I really am. We'll see!
Well my word for today is, bead. In M.E. bede, from O.E. gebed,
originally meant "a prayer." The number and order of prayers are kept on a
rosary. A string of different size balls. Since each ball stands for a
prayer its called a bede, in Morder English bead. Bead could also mean a
small piece of material pierced for threading on a string or wire. Or it
could stand for a drop of sweat.
11 July 2005
The weather here has been hot but bearable. We haven't had the humid
weather that we once had but I never get but one hour outside of my cell, so
I wouldn't know the humidity level. We have air conditioning here but it
doesn't work all the time. It reminds me of when I was younger, and I would
chop wood all summer, to be ready for winter. I would be hot, sweaty, and
exhausted then walk into the house and it would be like walking into an ice
box. That's how I feel after I come inside from recreation. There is a
storm off the coast called Daniel. They are debating on whether it will be
a tropical storm or hurricane. We'll have to wait and see.
This journal has turned into a weekly thing now. I truly can't keep up
with my studies, drawing and daily occurrences and still remember to write
every day in a journal, so I have limited this to a weekly thing. Besides
there just isn't anything worth talking about in ad-seg.
I have finished the Professor and the Madman. It's a pretty good book.
A lot of shocking information in it. Things I took for granted now hold a
new respect for me. Now I'm reading the Mother Tongue. I have a theory
that I have discovered that may already be known but my lacking of
schooling, this though comes to me upon my own research, I didn't understand
or know until now.
The English language is derived from other languages. Greek, Latin, so
forth, so on. Each word is a combination of two root words from another
language. So my theory is that possibly that we have lost the actual true
meanings of words over time. Where a word would once of meant an expression
now has a meaning for an object or vice versa. My research isn't over so
upon further discoverys I will unfold them here to my journal.
I am working on a detailed history of my own personal life, from birth
til now. It should prove interesting for some but therapeutic for myself.
And if I become famous some day then I shall have an outlook as to who I am.
Ha! Yeah right!!! HaHa! A new web-site is being made called wow.com.
It's to help inmates get their art work out in the public. Check it out and
you'll see my work. I don't know if it's up and running yet but it will
be.
Word for today is bedlam. From 1247 to 1405, St. Mary of Bethlehem
morphed from a priory to an insane asylum. The name Bethlehem had become
telescoped to Bedlam. In the sixteenth century an inmate at this asylum
came to be called bedlam. By late 17th century the name bedlam became known
for any lunatic asylum, it came to mean a wild uproar and confusion during
that time.