PRISONER EXPRESS

It truly is a magical time of year. Even here in prison, locked down in Super-Max, I feel peace and happiness knowing that my wonderful family is sharing gifts and love with each other tonight and tomorrow. I give thanks daily for the family I've been blessed with. I'm a very lucky man. Please allow me to share a few thoughts about my family with you.

My mother is a beautiful woman whom I respect and love with all of my heart and soul. I swear she could carry the weight of the world on her shoulders if called upon to do so. Hers hasn't been an easy life and Lord knows I've done more than my share to make it harder. Still, she gives her love to me unconditionally and does all she can to help me when I need it. I told her once before that I believe mothers are the worldly embodiment of Jesus' love for us. Most of the mothers I know are, anyway. Especially mine. (You're the greatest, Mom! I love you!)

I have two half sisters and two half brothers, all of whom have their own families. I have lived with or spent time with all of them and know that each of them has enriched my life in countless ways. (Although I don't hear from a couple of you, I want you all to know that I love you and pray for nothing but the best in your lives. I love you guys!)

Next I want to mention four very special young ladies. They are my nieces and I'm so very proud of them. I can't even relate into words the pleasure they give to me. The first three, ages 5, 11, and 14, are all doing exceptionally well in school and their lives, despite some pretty serious family and living adjustments they've had to make in the past couple of years. (The maturity and courage you three have displayed is nothing short of inspiring. If I could, I would take away all your troubles and lay the world at your feet.) The fourth one isn't technically me niece, but it doesn't mean I love her any less. She's a very bright and beautiful young woman who has just graduated high school, is pursuing a career as a Dental Hygienist, and is considering (I hope) going to college. (You are all my beautiful angels. Your uncle loves you more than life itself!)

My aunts and uncles. Man, talk about a great bunch of people! The memories I have of time spent with them are some of my favorites. Hunting, fishing, hiking, hanging out, just having fun and knowing that they loved me. (You each have my love and my gratitude for the many positive ways you've influenced my life.)

There are also a few cousins that are pretty important to me. The youngest of them seems to be the perfect blend of her mom and dad. She's in the 8th grade this year and doing very well in her classes. You can tell her parents are proud of her and rightly so. She's a beautiful and intelligent young lady with a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. (With parents like yours, I don't think that sparkle can be anything but mischievous.) Then there are the twins that came to visit me yesterday. (That was a great Christmas present! It was great seeing you guys again. Thank you.) Both of them are preparing to switch from the enlisted ranks to the officer's corps in the Army and Marines. They each attend college and one of them is on his way to attaining a Master's Degree in Criminal Justice. I'm sure they will both be very successful in their lives. (I think I'll let you two push me around on the lawn-mower next time). They brought their mother, wife, and girlfriend along with the hope that they could come in and visit also, but the prison would only allow two visitors. (I want to let you ladies know that I was very disappointed you weren't also able to come in. Thank you for your wishes and prayers. I hope we'll have the chance to meet and visit someday soon.)

There are many more members in my family that I haven't talked about here: great aunts and uncles, my half sister and brother's mom, nieces and nephews, cousins, 2nd cousins, and the numerous close friends who I consider to be a part of my family. Just because they weren't specifically mentioned doesn't mean that they aren't loved and thought of often. (I love and pray for each and every one of you.)

There are also some family members who are no longer living that are very special to me. My little brother, who fought a 19 year battle against cystic fibrosis. That was one young man in which I had a great amount of respect for. He had more heart than any 10 grown men! (We both earned out Jump Wings, but now you've got a set of Wings I'll probably never have. I can't think of anyone I'd rather see wearing them, though. Rest easy, Bro. I love and miss you!) My grandfather, who was and always will be the greatest man I'll ever know. He was a lot of things to me, but being my best friend was the most important to both of us. ("It's gonna pull me out of the boat, Jaja! It's gonna pull me out of the boat!" Hope the fish are biting up there. I love you Jaja!) My great uncle, who could deep-fry bluegills better than anyone at he K of C Fish Fry's. (Its been near 25 years since I helped you paint that barn roof and I swear I've still got silver paint on me!)

I want to let all my family know that each of them has a special place in my heart. (Thank you for all the love and support you've given to me over the years. Knowing that you are there and that you care gives me the strength I need to survive another day in here. I love you!)

I want to say a few words to some other families while I have the chance here. They are the people that I think about every day. I'm talking about the families of the men and women I killed and injured the night I committed my crime. It's times of the year such as this that have to be especially hard for some of them. (I do realize what I have taken from and done to your lives. The physical and emotional scars my actions have caused you and your loved ones. You don't know how honest to God, truly sorry I am for what I did and the pain I've created in your lives. Some of you may never forgive me and I don't blame you. I'm not able to forgive myself. If you can take any lasting comfort from knowing that the first and last thoughts I have every day are of you, your families, and the people I killed. I willingly accept that burden as part of the price I owe to you for what I did. I pray for your peace of heart and I pray for your peace of mind. I am very sorry.)

Please be kind to one another and remember that your family and the love you share with them are the only things in this world that are really important. God bless you all.