PRISONER EXPRESS

Dependence on individuals or institutions that do not wish to see you capable of independence are never healthy. One of my greatest sources of strength came from taking actions that allowed me emotional healing. I took responsibility for my circumstances and contacted the people I had hurt (where possible) and told them I was wrong and sorry for the things I had done. No more excuses. No more playing the blame game. Then I started over on a clean slate and put the guilt behind me. You can't change the past, only the future, and that only by examining past choices and learning from your mistakes.

Family can be a source of strength, for me it became a millstone of recriminations around my neck. The best thing that ever happened to me, though it was tragic at the time, was when I parted ways with my family and stopped pretending we cared about each other. No longer did I face their memories of my past faults and failures to taint any hope of success in my life. It allowed me to start over without facing their negative expectations. It's never too late and you're never too old.

Religion, too, had become a weight I could no longer bear to carry. Letting go of dogmatic doctrine restored me to my natural spiritual nature and gave me hope. What others consider a source of strength perpetuated in me a weakness and destroyed my life until I could stand alone and search for strength within myself.

Alone I found friends that became my chosen family. They lift me up when I'm weak and weary, providing me with what I cannot provide for myself. With them I am free to be who I am. They are a catalyst to draw out of internal strength and support when they have need. Our friendships become a circle of sharing without demands, dependency or conformity required.

Examine what you consider sources of strength and see which ones are crutches and which enhance your person resources of internal strength. There's nothing wrong with leaning on a crutch, as long as you know it's a crutch, until you are strong enough to stand alone, but at some point you have to give up the crutches or become a cripple. It takes time to rebuild your strength, yet it's the only goal worth the effort. All else is a cop out and most of us have done that for too long already.