The journal of Wayne Schroeder

Table of Contents:

4 January 2005

Journal, no entry last night reason, have non, just fell asleep. I just finished writing to sierra righ now, because I dident finish last night, I was supposed to write her back on the weekend, but it was party weekend, and I was burnt out. Well anyways I finisher writing her, so I sent the letter out tonight, I should be getting a letter from ether my Grandmother tonight, we'll see though.

A cry for help

I sit here and wonder why I cry, when I see the death of a child, no one realy know wher the spirit truly goes, the pain in my heart is riping me apart, I cant tell the difference between rage or sorrow any longer, the two emotions feel a pair, it's almost to much to bear, I think I may go insane, this pressure is on my soul.

5 January 2005

Journal, krash my cellie goes home tomorrow, that's real good. I wrote my Brother Will today, Wait I havent told or said anything about my brother yet have I, well he's my younger brother, a year younger, we have different dads, but that dosent make him any less my brother, I love the Jackass :-P with all my haert, he's some what of a stoner, he smokes lot of weed, well so did I when I was out there, he lives with our grandma, I believe he lives out front, our mom got him a motore home to stay in, so he got's that which is cool, mom took out the engien though, so he wont drive off, well anyhow I wrote him today, to see what was going on with him, hopefuly he writes back this time.

7 January 2005

Journal, I received a letter yesternight from Jerry, he sent me some pictures, one of them of him bending over showing his ass, which I found to be realy sickening to tell you the truth. I was going to wait untila coupe more letters befor asking this vato for money, but the hell with that, Im going to ask him now, if he's going to be sending me pictures like that, Im going to try to get some money out of it, as soon as I seen the picture, I showed it to my cellie, and then riped it up and flushed it down the toilet. Other then that today was a fine day, went out side win the rain witch was cold, but good, we should be getting hair cuts and nail clippers tomorrow, because let me tell you my nails need to be badly cut.

8 January 2005

Journal, Krash is still here, these people havent picked him up yet, and he ws suppose to be relissed on Thursday, this is realy not good, he as a INS hold, that's why they wont just let him go, but these people from I.N.S are bullshiting, I believe they got about 10 days or so to pick him up, if they do not come with the time from, then he'll be relessed from here, but hopfuly they take him home sooner then 10 days or so.

9 January 2005

Journal, The other day when hair cuts where coming around, I had a moment weakness, I told myself That I was going to cut my hair, but then I decided not to, because Iv come this far, with growing my hair long, mite as well go through with it. I finished making these playing cards with the milk caretins, so now I can play some card games, next Im going to make donimos out of the milk caretins.

11 January 2005

Journal. Boy was today boring, nothing at all happened today, we're on lock down anyway, I think becauces someone killed a c/o in chino, I heared about it this morning on the news, it happened yeasterday, we mite be on lock down for a wile we'll see though, hopfuly they still give us store, because man do I be getting hungre.

12 January 2005

Journal, Today I was reading Bulfinch's Mythology (of Greece and ROME with Eastern and Norse legends), and I truly find it hard to believe how the religions of ancient Greece and Rome could just toaly disaper, as if it had never excist, what happen!! I myself have no clue, something that was believe in whit heart and soul, could just be drop is truly painful.

13 January 2005

Journal, Today's my birthday, 22 years of life, the years are just flying by, I feel good real good, 10 more years and I'll be going home, 32 years of age I'll be then, all's well.

15 January 2005

Journal. Iv realized I have forgoten the whole true reason why I started writing this Journal, the whole bases of this Journal was to put my thoughts on paper, to bring my thoughts, my true feeling, my way of thinking, to life by writing all this on paper, so I my live forever, in my writings I may come imortol, the pen and the paper is they key to imortalaty, I most live live to my full poltentol.

16 January 2005

Journal, sometimes I wonder if my soul can hear my thoughts and see all my dreams as I sleep, can this be so, if it is, "no" it is true, because we all are spirital beans having humen exsperinse, so my soul must, see and hear, all that is my life, I am my soul, my soul is me, this is amazing to realize the true self, no pain, no fear, no sorrow.

17 January 2005

Journal, What dose it mean to live outside yourself? I believe it means to truly see your own action, to truly listen to the word you speek, to understand how others see you as the person they see you are, bascly to more understand ones self, to truly know who you are in a world of the humen, of the flesh.

18, January 2005

Journal, Tomorrow I will go to commit and a fellow writer will be my cellie, by the name of Lion, I would truly like to see his work, and how his mind works as he writes. I received a letter from my grandmother tonight, she's not well, she has lost a little over 30 lbs, I pray to God she gets well, I love my grandmother, she raised me and my brother, when we were young, I believe my grandmother is the senter of my family, she is the mind, and my grandfather the back bone. My brother Willie will be graduate from high school in 2 weeks, it makes me feel good to know that my lil bro will be receiving his diploma, nothing at this moment in time could be better for my bro, nothing.

19 January 2005

Journal, Today was a good day, I felt most high, the good flowed through me, being connected go God, dose bring great joy, Lion moved in to my cell today, as soon as he did, we could no tstop talking, conversation was true with him and I.

2 February 2005

Journal, It is Feb 2, 2 weeks has past by, since the last time I wrote my thoughts, there is so much realization that has come to pass, I realiz that being connected to the "source"- God, "In my life nothing can ever go wrong", I see the truth in this, What we believe in our hearts it is so in our minds, thus God lives in our hearts!!!?, It is no great mistory that God the very source of our being, can and does move through us, in every thing that you do in your life, in my life, in our life, so when I say be in good faith, God will provide, I mean God will provide, if the faith in you be true.

4 February 2005

Journal, This morning and every morning for the last 5 weeks for that matter, Iv been contemplating, thinking over and over, about what Dr. Wayne Dyer, (author of, "The Power of Intention", and many more amazing books), had said these words were powerful to me, in my mind and in my heart, those words were, "Wayne Don't Die with your Music still in you" This "Music", my passion, my mind, my heart, my soul, was given to me by god, for a reason, and I will not Die with it still in me, I will show the world of it all, whats inside of me wasent ment to be kept away, away from the world, this "Music", my "Music" will flow through the minds and hearts of men, and women every where, God Willing.

7 February 2005

Journal, there's this saying that Plato said, ("Poets utter great and wise things which they do not themselves understand"). In a way I find this to be true, no it is truth, because I myself see when I write my poetry, as I am writing the scenery changes constantly, it starts out this way and ends up another, so it's true we don't truly understand what we write, it's as if the thoughts flow through the heart and into the mind, from the energy that sourounds us.

8 February 2005

Journal, I feel good this morning, feel good to e alive, to breath the cool morning air, to feel the breeze touch my fleash, '"Alive", I cr; Alive, am I. thanks be to God.

My eyes tell me, show me the beauty in things, where others well not see beauty, it is like seeing light where there is only darkness, Ahhh! That is good, and feeling good is feeling God.

Dreaming? Dreaming of things of greatness, beauty, wisdom, spiritalness, how it is grand to "feel" to feel thee emotion, to feel they fleash touch another's ?.

9 February 2005

Journal, Greatness? Oh, What is it to be great, in this world of man? Well greatness, to each his own, one can be great by doing the small things in life, not just the big, if you look at it this way!! The big things in life cant be done without the small thing being done first, soI ask thee what is greatness, with out the help?

Journal, I know sometimes things in life don't go the way one would like, but that is life, and I believe that's whats so grand about life, what would be the great mistory of life, if one constantly knew, what was "around the corner", that's the whole joy of life, not knowing what's next.

14 February 2005

Journal. Must I see the death of men, befor I realize how precious life realy is, no, for I have realized the preciousness of life for some time now, and no matter how much death I see in my lifetime, I will know in my heart and in my mind, all is right, and in my life nothing can ever go wrong, the power of man lives withing the soul, and once one knows this there's nothing he can not do.

14 February 2005

Journal I have made my signature SW now I am writen, the silent watcher. Now and forever in ink, so be it. Ive writen writings of meaning, Iv writen writings that I myself don't truly understand, so what is it, this persuasion, that gets me up in the morning and puts my hand at work, with writing of know, and writing of uknow, no matter it all, it be wondrous, God's gift is. Knowing this I will rejoyce, and be in thanksgiving.

22 February 2005

Journal, it is morning and still the dreams of night fog my mind, but never the less the day will start, and brign new experiences, ahh it feels good, I feel good.

I see truth in these day of my life, in my youth I grow wise and become strong in the mind, a few day agao I went out to cut my nails,wile I was comign back I was talking to c/o Hing, he asked me if I was getting out, or if I had life in prison, "I told him" no, I get out in 2016, I'll be about 32 then," he said, ahh you'll be a wise man by then, dose he make this predicton on guess or dose he truly see something in my eyes?

23 February 2005

Journal, I most live up to my highest understanding always, so I may be able to fully live my life in the best understanding of allthigns that surround me in my life. Then I may know truth, in my heart and in my mind. Today is the day I wrote a story.

24 February 2005

Journal, fullfilling my dreams is the thought I will accomplish. There is nothing that I cannot do in my life, If I keep my mind focus on the Good & positive things in life, nothing can stand in my way.

25 February 2005

Journal. Good morning, is what it is ?. Feeling alive is feelign good! Ilove !? Today is another day of wisdom, as any other day is, but to realiz that in each day in our life, there is wisdom, that is true widom within its self.

28 February 2005

Journal, Love is being alive, Love is life, to feel and see the love all around, is so joyice, I feel alive because in every thing that I see, love is there, love is evey where, and in every one, knowing this,and being awayre of this, gives me the courge of knowing that everything is going to be good in my life, gives me the knowingness, that nothing in my life can ever go wrong, I truly feel it, there is peace in my heart and in my mind I have put my mind at eaze, from all the pain, and rage, and sadness, and all those things that hurt me, that have been hurting for so long, now that all this fuggering is gone, I feel so light hearted, I could just flot away, I made a heaven for myself, I can "LIVE".

1 March 2005

Journal. There is a place in my heart where I can feel a special feeling, that makes me feel good, because I realized that I cant deny who I am, and I wont any longer, it feels so wonderful to finaly be true to myself, and to accept this truth without any denial what so ever, is great, it brings me great joy, I love it, I love this willing feeling of myself, the knowingness of who I am, nothing but good can come from this realization, and I know and feel this with all my heart and soul, "Thank You".

2 March 2005

Journal, today, this morning at 6:00 Lion and me, went out to yard, it was wonderful out there, even though they put Lion and me on different yards, it felt so good to be out ther, it started to rain as I was working out, ohh that was a beautiful feeling my sense of seat hightened, ever thing is good, I feel a sence of greatness flowing through me, I truly thank you God.

3 March 2005

Journal. I feel that Iv come to a point in my life, Where I realize that I want more for myself in my life, to be more aware of the things that surround me in life, to have more of a spritual grasp on life. I feel a lot different about the way I see things then opposed to the way I seen things befor,. I love life but Im no longer afread of death, because I know in death I will be alright, there's nothing to be afread of because I know now that there will (is) good things in my life, and when death comes I will be happy, because with God in my life, I know nothing can ever go wrong, and God will be waiting for me when I cross over, I don't know how I can better explan this feeling, this realization, all that I truly can say is that it makes me feel good, because it is Good.

4 March 2005

Journal. Iv been singing of her but her I do not know, I sing That she wispers in my ear, wispers in my dreams who is she myself I question, I see her in my mind as a most wonderfuly beautiful, long white-blond hair, "gorgeous", I hear her calls, but I do not know what, who is she? What is it that she wants? Though I do feel her, and when I do I feel "Love", great Love, shifers down my spine.

7 Mar 2005

Journal, the things that surround me through out the day is almost, "no", it is like poetry in my eyes, to me it is a wonder, as I awaken in the morn, to start the day, the sleep still in my body, my eyes still closed as my mind slowly becomes aware, then I open my eyes , looking at my pillow, I feel the smoothness of the sheet on the right side of my face, and of the one sheet that keep me warm through out the night, pushing myself up to set at the edage of my bed, now looking at my cellie who is still lying there across from me, but awake, asks me "what is the time", I then turn to the t.v., in which is at the foot of my bed, reach over and press power, light flickers, and the cell is by the t.v, I see the time is 5:00 AM, I then press power again, now both in darkness, only the light from outside the cell, and out side the window in which is at the back of the cell, I can see the birds flying in the morning shadows, how wonderful the wind looks out there, the morning breeze, I could go on and on about the way I see all that is, but I wont.

8 March 2005

Journal. God is everything good that happens in my life, God is the source of everything that is, and beinc connceted the source, I know nothing in my world can ever go wrong so God is everywhere in my life because, my life is Good, I feel good, I see good, I hear good, I smell good, and I tast good. There is nothing in this world that can make me believe other wise, or take that away from me, being connected to God is the numer one thing on my mind, I will walk my "path" to undestanding, wisdom, stragth, righteousness & Goodness, and the path that I walk is not the destination, but the way.

10 March 2005

Journal. When I think about how my mind perceive things I find it to be most soulful, for me anyhow, I now see things in a profound sort of way, it is as if I am looking through a widow, these are the kind of things that make me realiz thatI, hae not only grown mentatly, but physicly and spiritualy as well, every thing that I proceive now has more of a meaning to it, a magnifing beauty to it, I come to realiz life isent just about materialistic value, it's not about what you have or how much of it you have, it's about the value of yourself, the creation God has made "you", that gives me a great sence of value, because life in itself is the most valuable posession one will ever have, Life.

11 March 2005

Journal, Iv been thinking a lot about Love and lust lately, I find that both are emotions that can hurt or bring great joy, the feeling of these emotions feel so good, and feel so bad, why, I believe the problem is that we want both Love and Lust, and we just cant have both, and when we seek for both, that's when the hurting begins, but when we seek for one then the joy of it, and the good feelings of it will come, though there is the fact of which emotion is right for you, only you can truly know that, we must look deep down in our hearts and soul and find and know which is , Love* or lust.

14 Mar 2005

Journal. is it to much to be a man of love and have honerble vows, as a warrior can only have? I belive it's so, it is like a king's son once said to his father, "can we not be like our father the warrior and the poet, cant we be both." To be a warrior and a poet is beauty in my eyes and beauty is truth, the Love that flows through my body is beauty, to stand alone, in the mist of battle and go down fighting is beauty. I feel God in me, with every tear I have shade, God was there , for every time blood was shade God was there, God has never left me in my life, so when I hear people say, "oh I found God", I say with all the truth in my heart, that God has never left you, don't you see that, God was never lost, God was just waiting for you to come back to him. God is beauty, God is truth.

15 March 2005

Journal, no one shall be a bearden on my life, and I will not allow anything to be a bearden on my Life, this is what I feel to be truth to me, in my own privite heart, because there is no reason why anything or anyone should be a drain on my life, it is my life that God has given me, so Im not going to be pained by worry, I will< I most live a life of pure beauty and of pure Love, with pure greatness I am thankful for thus calmness, this clarity, it gives me a good séance of knowingness, thank you oh Lord in heaven, God creater of all that is, thank you.

16 Mar 2005

Journal, What is the right way?, The right way, is a path through life, That I must walk, this is the only way I can stay spirituoly grounded, and no matter what comes my way in life, bad or good, I know the outcome will be good, I will swirve from the bad, and embrace the good, all will be right in my life, this is what I believe with ever fiber of my being, being connected is my way, my path, that feels good to walk.

17 March 2005

Journal, I think there should be more of a selfless action in anything that I do, Iv come to a conclusion that I should be more selfless, in my prayers, pretty much in all my doing, this way I'll know Im giving some thing away, and not expecting anythign in return, just giving out of pure joy and satisfection, selfless, will be a word in my mind that I will go by, yes.

25 March 2005

Journal, Friday morning, this week was a fast one, Monday, I was hit by some kind of flu or something, Im not sure, I all I know is Monday night, I felt it, and felt it good, Im better now, that's the important thing, getting and feeling better/good, though, the thing I remember, that night I was feeling real ill, that night it was so wired, I mean I don't know if I was just triping or not, it was just so wired, the thing is that I was or it felt as if I was twisted up with the Hebrews, I don't know what this is suppposed to mean, all I know that I felt something about the Hebrews, as if "we"? were mixed up, I mean it was not like it came and went, within secones, it went through the hole night unt I started to feel a litte better, and that my thoughts were starting to clear up a little, I felt then that I was untwisting from the Hebrews, it was straing, I know that, I cant realy truly explean it so I'll leave it like that.

28 March 2005

Journal, A day with thte sence of feeling veberent, alive, feeling the sence of everything being together, one, the Good feeling of life, what eals is there to feel good about, because if you think about it, whatever is it that you feel good about, it all falls back on life, that's what it is, your feeling good about living, being alive, Life, that's what it's all about your true nature with life, your soul and Life, that is what your turly feeling good about, each and every day of your life ?.

29 March 2005

Journal, Knowing thy true self, who I am is divine, who I am is pure, I am whole, I am perfect as I was created, as every living being is, I am everyone, everyone is me, the ego and the mind, is the reasons we belive that we are individuals, though in reality there is no individual, there is only one, and in this one is everything, everything we hear, feel & see, we are everything and everything are we, and all that is, is God, the one pure consciousness.

30 March 2005

Journal, God lives in us, as us! I now know this , that everything that I purceive is God, that is pure awareness, that is the knowingness of life, there is nothing eals that can compare to this feelign of realization, love and life, God and the univiers, is all one great source.

1 April 2005

Journal, realization of everything, is an amazing truth, the truth of action, and reaction, everything connected to the whole, the only way one can see the whole as one with your being, this is the one true reality, there is no other, the realit of God!, being God through us as us, truth with in truth, within truth! Beauty, is the spirit, your-our real nature, everything and everyone is beautiful because this truth shows us His reality, our reality.

6 April 2006

Journal, Wednesday night, we, my cellie Lion and I moved to b. yard on Monday the 4th, anew, all is anew, the senery that is, I do feel good, it is good to have a change of view, Lion is gone tomorrow morning, bouned to tiatchapi, and then gose home next week on Tuesday the 12th, that is good, Lion's a good dude, I do pray his dreams come true, and may he live a happy life, I wish him the best.

Well I must say things are different here in this block on this yard, it's good though, and I know good things will come out of all this.

8 April 2005

Journal, sometiems we do things , we do not know why we do, even though these thing may hurt us in the heart we can not let these things put us in pain, because if we do then surely it will destroy us, we must know and understand, that what ever God dose is for the best, and not think anymore of it, what is done, must be done, and we must know that it is for the gretter good, that is all we can pray and hope for, there is nothing eals that is truer then this

9 April 2005

Journal, it's strang how things happen in Life the very things that make you who you are today, all througuh life, we see thethings that happen around us, not knowing why they happen, just knowing that they are, but if in our life we know in our heart, that all is for the greater good, we can live a peacful, good life, the knowingness of this realization, is the beautiful truth of all things in life.

12 April 2005

Journal, laughter is a great part of life, laughter lifts our spirits, makes us humen, brings people together, and out of pain, and into happyness, with this great gift, we can feel that great feeling of togetherness, and this is what brings joy into one's life, and one can feel and be happy, feeling good is what we all need in life.

18 April 2005

Journal, I've freed myself from the nasty feeling of pain, no longer will I worry, I am free, and now I can truly live my life in peace, now I can choose to be surround by the energy that is good, and if there is negative energy around me, I can chose to remove myself from it if I wish, I will be connected to the source, always and forever, I will be connected, it is anew for me, all is anew, all is good, all is and will always be pure consciousness

22 April 2005

Journal, I made a chose in my life, that I believe was for the better, I feel good, and great things are ahead, everything is good, the choice I made will bring me home, and live I will, now and forever, the choice I made was to ether be free, or a prisoner, and blissed I chose to be free. There is no pain, nor worry, nor sorrow, all is peace, all is joy, all is Good.

29 April 2005

Journal, It's amazing how our passtions come in the most strangest places, Ifind it to be a blissing, that God could give uss uch power to see beauty in ever place we turn, to hold up our feeligns in the things we do, and bring them to life, the hand of man is a great gift of God, to feel and see our passtions come alive, is the ultimate truth, the truth of beauty that lie in all hearts, to find ones truth, ones beauty, is the power to greatness.

1 May 2005

Journal. It's beautifuly quit this morn, the voices of my thoughts, that I can hear, are like eager children wishing to go outside to play in the grass on this beautiful sunny morning. I supposed it is the harder because to be able to have full control of your thoughts, when there is no sound, but the voices of your thought, and to make it that you hear one voice instead of many, thats having the mind as an ally and not a foe.

3 May 2005

Journal. Truth is the everything, the all of my life, truth in the essence of beauty, love, peace and joy, how could we not live with these feelings that bind us all together, the very emotions that bind, connected us to God, without those few seeds planted within the heart, there would be no truth in life.

4 May 2005

Journal. Well I finished writing this little thing that I .G.I asked me to do, my events in prison from the day I came to prison till now, I think it came out pretty good. Back tracking is a trip, to write the things that happen to me in my life, it truly has a good feeling to it.

9 May 2005

Journal. everytiem I see a smile in this place, I know there is hope, it is a shame that there is not more smiles then less, because if there would be more, there would be more happynes, the truth of it is, if people see more people happy, the better they will feel and the more happy they will be.

10 May 2005

Journal, I must do everything in the light ,I must know in the light ,feel in the light, act in the light, the light is everything, the light is the source, the light is God, and in this light I must be in all my doings, in all my livings, in all my life.

11 May 2005

Journal, what we know, what we believe, is not by the mind but by the soul, in which is connected, to see the things we feel, or even hear the things we feel, is a more powerful miracle that can take place, because the thing that we feel is God, so what can be a more miraculous then God! "Nothing".

13 May 2005

Journal. You know there's always been something about music that makes me feel that power, especially when I sing.

It truly is a grand feeling, I mean when I hear music it's as if the sound surges through my mind and into my body, and Im over-come by this over-powering strangth and this feelingthat is pure good.

16 May 2005

Journal. Today it is raining, as I look out the window, I see the rain fall, as well with its beauty, oh how good it would feel, to feel the rain hit my face, to run through the rain feeling the cool wind brush apssed me, but for now I can only imagine that day whe nI can laugh in the rain again.

17 May 2005

Journal. Today is a beautiful sunny day, the sun is up, the sky is blue, and the grass that I see is green. All is well, all is good, this day shall be full of petic and passionate writing, thanks be to God, the good and greatness flows through me.

25 May 2005

Journal. Good-Great is this morning, the sun is high and it rays are true with the brilliance of a new day, lovely it is, I am fulfilled because of the knowingness, that I am wholeness, and that is all that is good, which is God, that binds and flows through and as us all, in which the connecting of the source is the truth of all things that are, and live.

27 May 2005

Journal, of all the things that I believe, and take into my heart, there's some kind of wordless amazment to it all, in which that wordless form keeps it all together, I try not to think too hard about it, or eals Id lose the beauty of it, I just let it flow, let it be, and in that way I can truly understand it, by not giving it a face, I can know it, feel it, and be it.

30 May 2005

Journal, on Saturday morning I went out to the yard, there cage yards over here, but from everythign that as been happening in my life, the returning to my essential self! I have not been out there of late, not since I gave up the way of the gang life, and I can say the choice I made to do so was the greates decision I made in a very long time, all the negative that that way producde as been lefted from me, now I truly see, hear, and feel God ? the positive way of life now flows, my goodness, my greatness can be seen, and by the will of God, may it grow within ever more.

31 May 2005

Journal. It is amazing how things in life unfold, the greatness of it feels me with a joy that I cannot contain, and I know that the things that I see, hear, feel, ands peak, in my life, are the things of God, that is working trough me, I am a expression of God, as well as everthing that has life running through it, is.

2 June 2005

Journal, The goodness of life, this great gift flows through me. Today, I accept that I am growing in spritual awareness every moment of my life. I walk the never ending path of enlightenment and love.

I am blissed, God has given me the gift of life, and I must take hold of this gift, take it into the private place of my hear, and when ever the chance's arise I will share this great gift to others, so they my know and experience the greatness of it.

3 June 2005

Journal, I turn to the spirit within and release all attachments to old limiting beliefs. I claim my power and live my dreams.

To be able to live my dreams, is to live my life in the world where there is nothing that bounds me to limitation, I must always be at my hights, and know there is nothing I can not do when within Jesus, knowing this my dreams are alive and not just thoughts in the mind.

6 June 2005

Journal. so beautiful, how the summer puts me in awe, to feel its warm rays apone my body, to feel its good warmth as if it touched the very beding of who I am, my soul, even within this cell, God's goodness shines through, as I stand in front of the long rectangular window and feel the suns heat, the glory of it's beauty is so overwellming.

7 June 2005

Journal, Yesterday at 8:43 AM, I went out to the hard yard, oh the sun felt so good, God truly is a good God, kind of received a sun burn on my shoulder. Today I open myself to a greater power. I relax into God within and feel a new strength and a new power God is here, with me & within me, mine eyes are open always to see God in everythign and everyone.

Journal. I move within and feel the power of spirit embrace me. I trust, I accept, I move forward.Things happen in life, in all life that are extremely awesome, it is so amazing the way things happen, it just put a feeling in me, that can not be explained, I sometime find myself so overwhelmed with joy that I am at a loss of words, it's as if in these moments I truly become my soul.

9 June 2005

Journal. As I contemplate my oneness with spirit I feel the connection more deeply, and my outer life is transformed. I clearly see that there are no limits.

It's a wonder that ones genius can be realized, and all along it was right there in front of the face, the genius in every man is found within God, the power that is everything is in you, God has given us a gift of the mind, but the mind is useless without the heart and soul which is God, God works through us, to do his will, and all that is good, so in realizing that nothing can be accmplished without the hand of God, is to be grat, that is genius.

10 June 2005

Journal. I release and I let go. Ifeel the joy of beign free. I let spirit be my guide.

The feeling of embracing your fears is good because once you advance on your fears, fears they become no longer. We must understand that sometime the thing that we fear are the unknown, so we stay to familiar surrounding, thinking that the new is what we fear, but the truth is how can one become agreat without exploring the new, even if it is the new that we fear.

13 June 2005

Journal. In this moment I allow myself to see a new reality. I am strong. I am whole . I am complete. Life is good. The reality that as been lost is good, the reason is because, in that reality it was false, and it only brough me pain, but the reality I lve now is good, because it is within God that I live.

14 June 2005

Journal. today I set my course. I unite with my source to live an intentional life. I choose to grow nd create a life steeped in goodness, joy, and wholeness. I know we all have the ability to make life great, we all have it in us, because it is who we are. We are beings of goodness, and Greatness, One's genius can only be found, within one self, no one eals can tell you nor show you, your greatness, we must look deep inside to find what makes each every being divine, but know that you can only find what a makes you divine, once you know, embrace it, and release it into the world, then become one with your divine, because you are one with your divine.

15 June 2005

Journal. Today, I go within and listen to that still small voice. It soothes my sould and leads me to still waters. Ive said this befor, "If I feel it, I know it is Truth", because if I feel it so deep in myeart and soul it has to be truth, there's nothing that can defeat the feeling of truth, and that truth is God, and that feeling fro mgod is so overwhelming , you know it is pure Good.

17 June 2005

Journal. It is a little cool this morning, but all in all I feel good, maybe I will receive some mail today. The homie rockie is jaming the music loud and clear ?, oh wait I havent mentioned Rockie befor have I, will he is my next door neighbor, he's a cool dude, from New Orilens, came out here and got busted, what a pitty oh ?. Anyway got something I would like to do today, but ever mindful of God's work flow in and through me, I am the seed that has been planted now I will grow and bring forth life in every direction I may go in my life, knowing the path I wake is of God, and his goodness and greatness, thank you my Lord.

22 June 2005

Journal. Today and from this day forth, I will follow my Heart, set aside all doubt and negative thought, and live a life where my dreams are a reality, the life I live will grow with ease and joy, it is within this goodness I shall live, because life is about livign a good joyful & happy experince. I will live with my heart, because the heart is where the soul lives, and if I live by my heart I can not go wrong in anythign I say or do in my life.

23 June 2005

Journal. I realize that Im the driver in my life, Im in charge, God's work is done, God has given me the tools to live a good and great life, and I must usethe tools of life, so I can Live", Jesus is my guide, he will lead me to the things I need to obtain my desires, the experinces of life, to live a fulfilling life, of goodness, and greatness.

24 June 2005

Journal. My heart tells me no matter what, I will pull through any situation, becauses I lead with my heart, knowing that I am my soul I will learn, and in every situation there will be good, because I know God is on my sied always and forever, and I will not be led astray, the things I create in my life from this day forward, will be of Greatness and of the Goodness of the creating force, God, I know I am destined for something beyond my own will, so I will live with that focus within me, and live with pure joy.

28 June 2005

Journal, I need to do something in my life in this time, in this moment, I need to give myself away, make some change, make good come to be, or eals these words will just be words, I must, no fear, oh God give me the strength, the courage to do so.

29 June 2005

Journal, There is a whole wonder when I speak my goodness apone others, when I speak the truth of God, I know it is real, because I feel my spirit, and at those moments I truly become my spirit, and there no other feeling like, the goodness of God is pure, it is feeling the love that is already in us, the glow of it is miraculous, there is nothing that can break the perfection of it, because it is Good, and Good is God, God is Good.

30 June 2005

Journal. My spirit is "Alive", I am free to express who I am, oh the glory that feel, cannot be contand, I feel the grace of God within me, and I know this is no lie, the feel of spirit that drives me on, to show my greatness, that I am, for I have been given life, not death, but life, and I choose to live not die, and I will not limit myself to the lies of this world, for I know I am more, I am spirit.

Well juornal, I received my books yeasterday, the ones my Mother bought for me, she is a good women, and I love here dearly, the book that I got are. Unrepentant Whore, collected works of Scarlot Harlot, and. Between dog & Wolf, Essays on Art and Politics, I also a got a comic, called Killer Kop Komic, true storys about cops and brutality. Somehing new to be inspired by ?.

5 July 2005

Journal. It's been a pleasant time for me here in the ShU in a cell by my lone, it's given me time to get my mind straight, to figure things out about myself, it has drawen me closer to my source , it has given me the ability to live in the truth of things, I now have the realization that god is the all of my life, and once one has dove into spirit there's no turning back, I am forever insain. The beautiful thing about it is that it feels so Good. Thank You.

6 July 2005

Journal. There is no End in my soul. There is no End in the mind. I see all that is around and I do my best to hold on to the sanity that I have left, maybe it would be best just to let it go. Or maybe I already have, yes , that's it. Oh it so beautiful, no bounds, no limitations. Free from the worlds low of the mind, I now soar in the sky, with endless psace in which to fly, the freedom, true freedom of the soul, the freedom in which I was born to hold. True life I touch with the tips of my fingers, true life at grasps reach, the closes the fleshw ill ever get to the real life.

8 July 2005

Journal. Yester-day was a good day, it was real nice, laughter was the joy of the day.

Now today is a new day, a gift, from the blissed Lord. There's much to do, must use the time I have wisely. Today I go in to source, give myself up, and let the source be my guide. All is well, all is goood, the knowing that things are going to be allright, all is right, my focus is on the life that is waiting for me, oh the glory of it, of it All ?.

12 July 2005

Journal. I feel thigns are changing once more, for the better I pray, of cource, anything that God does is for the best.

I feel that thangs are about to change, and it Good, Iv come to Love and embrace change. God is a Good God and I know all is and is going to be right. I am divine, I am perfect, and anything that I do, I will succeed, because it is the will of God that's pushing me always, to be myself, to be spirit, and within that sppirit that I am, anything is possible, I am I will be my genius. God is on my side.

13 July 2005

Journal. Life is grand ?, it's getting Hot, summer time, suns shining, all is good.

Time is on the run, and I move on, Living and Loving Life, there in my heart lies the olive branch, coming into the world of light, feel the source, feeding the source with my Love, with the kindness I give, always in spirit, always in source energy. God has come, filling me with his beauty. Time is forever now, Time is a friend no longer a foe.

14 July 2005

Journal. the home Rocky justed moved today, man he's a good dud, they moved him to c. section so he'll be able to get at me through kites.

Hopeful I can get him to move over here in my cell when I get cleard for a cellie.

Anyhow today is a pretty hot one, the c/o have our lights off, so that's cool, it keeping us cool ?. Other then that today has been a pretty Good day, all is great, I feel Good, real good, I have my mind focused on the spirit of things, for reals this day is great, it's not that I have done anythign different, it just the way this day feels, and that's what realy matters, I have this blissing Good feeling, there something about this day that has lefted me up, and put me in God iven joyous, loving, Good, Great mood, All is well.

20 July 2005

Journal. This morn is a brilliance of heat, it's pretty warm, and it's still moorning, it's only going to get hotter, they say on the news, around 107 degrees.

But no worrys here, I'll be covering my window, so I may keep cool during this hot summer day.

Time is on my mind of late, the time to fall in love, to be in love, this time drags at my heart ,puts in in a place of exile of my own reality. Where have I gone ,is it this time that I seek, that drives me on the brink of dying song, I fight to breathe, just one last breath I beg please.

22 July 2005

Journal. Today is beautiful. The Lor has smiled on me this morn, God is a Good God. I have began to see everwhere I turn, the brilliance of human kindness. I see it and feel it and it's beautiful. This is the way we are attended to be. Being kind to one anther, feels so good and pure you know it is so right, so true, kindness is shoign Gods perfection, that perfectness that we are is showen by our love and kindness to one anther. This is what God wants for us, to be kind and loving to all, I truly see this now.

25 July 2005

Journal I feel something deep, that makes me laugh, the feeling is Good, but there's something more then just a deep laughter feeling, it's right in the core of my being, it's like almost what a cloud would feel like ,so much power, it's amazing I don't explode. It's the cure for all pain. No wait it's the cure for death. Oh the beauty thre is a cure for death and it is Jesus.

26 July 2005

Journal. It's the thought, that keeps me turning, keeps me on my feet. There's this feeling that has its own way of blowing my mind, it realy is fascinating to be able to put the poetic aspect to all life. In every thing that I speak, see, smell, hear, and feel, in all my senses, the art of life lives. iT be acaptiating love affair I have for the poets mind, and the lustful desire to cut open the poet and bathe in the poets blood. Only the beauty of a rose, a black rose that could bring unexpected joy, because I know it is Alive.

28 July 2005

Journal.Humen essence, the true form of who we are. The perfection of our being. I must stay focus on being "in the world but not of it".

It's a wonder to me, the realization of our ancestors in the skys, it all makes perfect sense, I can only wonder if I'll ever meet them, and I have a strong feeling that I will someday so until that day I will wonder with the joy of God.

29 July 2005

Journal. It's a beautiful thing to realize something we've been told or understood befor, and find a new truth from it, it is truly what fills the heart with unquenchable joy. I know I am home. All is Good, I have the power with in my being. I know I will live forever in the kingdom of heaven, God is a Good God.

With every passing day I see more and more of humen kindness, thus being God's profection. This is proof that we are perfect being, that our true nature is to be kind and loving, the soul is God, so in this truth God is always with us, he will never leave us nor stop loving us, forever shall it be, as along as we are soul, God will always be there, always be on my side.

2 August 2005

Journal. Sometimes I wonder, awonder of the worlds and stars out there, just a wonder, or maybe a deep feelign that pushs's me to want to know, to experience the the truth that is in everone's heart, it just that they refuse to believe,. But I know I at lest feel that I know of it's truth, because as I said it befor, If one feels it so deep it is real, it is truth, and I feel it, so I know it is real.

There is a many of so called genius's around therld we live in, but still there ignorant of this truth, so I supposed that makes me ingnorant as well, for I do not know anything, I know nothing but is it not true that nothing is everything. It is like walking in to aroom that is dark, but you know this room is full of box's but you see nothing until you turn on the lights.

5 August 2005

Journal. Calming the mind and uplifting the soul, feeling the essence of our being, knowing the self as what it purely is, is openly knowing who we truly are, the truth of things flows in our soul, the soul itself is truth, and it is who we are , there is nothing in the world we live that is more then the soul, understanding the I, myself is this more, having this comprehension of the one TRUTH that can se you FREE, free from the limitations of the world, free from the bounds of the mind, is the calming of our world, the world you see, the world you experience, The joy, love , and happyiness is one experience away, one understanding away.

9 August 2005

Journal. This morning, well actually about an hour ago I went and got a extra tooth taken out, real quick and eazy it was. The more pleasing thing about it was the wake to and from the dentist, it was real nice, and the little chit chat with the c/o's was good as well, the experienace was a pleasing one.

Aug 18 2005

Journal. I dreamed last night that I was being shipped out to war in Vitnam,I went to sleep and the next morning I was supposed to be shipped out but when I woke, me and the fellas that were with me, where being suited up to got oMars, we took off, I don't remember what it was like up there but I do remember is coming back to earth, we ended up landing the shuttle on a street some where in L.A., the pilot was a women, in my dream she seemed to be a good friend to me, and the two other guys kind of reminded me of my twin cousins and I believe my brother was with me as well. Any how she was driving it down the road, all kinds of people where loooking at the big shuttle, we stop it somewhere in a big mall parking lot I think, people where taking pictures, we got off the shuttle and went into the mall, my cousin went around the corner, came back with a cart foull of cearel, we where like "yeah", they told us will meet back later, my brother, my friend the women, and I where going to check out the video games but I only had a few dollors, my mom gave me 40 bucks but I don't remember what I did with it. That was the dream "weird" yeah I know, but beautiful ?.

19 August 2005

Journal. My dream last night was nice, my grandmother was driving fast trying to pass through the red lights, my cousins where with us as well as my brother, it was Matthew my cousin and the tiwns we where laughing and having fun, Matthew wrote something on the window it said something like "No, No", and then the last word I don't remember, I told my cousin I was making fun of him about him making a cake, and he said "so you baked Donuts" The weird thing about it was I had baked donuts in another dream I had befor. The flame is forever lit.

10 August 2005

Journal. Working with my heart, has made a great improvement in my life, I now live only by y heart, which is that of th soul, and the soul is that of God, so I know all is good, all is great.

The wonders of the world are right here in my heart, I know my life, my experience, is a good life, a good experience, Everything I take in my world is a purpose, and I will feel, know, understand, and be part of this great purpose. God is a Ggood God.

Journal, I now know what that ment by "I am God", I don't do anything, I am the power of God. I am God. Oh thank you God, I am great, my experience of life is destine to be great because it is. God truly is a Good God ?.

"uhh NOT"

"Reading everythign but the Bible I am a Child of God.

Yes? " (Sun Feb 4, 2007.)

11 August 2005

Journal. I dreamed last night that I accidentally killed a man and then I just took his body in the back of these apartments and ujst left him there walked away, I then droped to my kneess and prayed to God to forgive me for what I have just done, the strang thing that happen ext was, I then went into the man apartment, and the lady inside, I think it was his mother, she told me to sweep up the kitchen, so I did, I swept up behind the table, by a sliding door. Well that's all I can remember. Im going to start writing down my dreams, when I remember them. So until my next dream.

17 August 2005

Journal. Knowing the feeling of God has made me whole, and I know as I move with kindness and love in my heart all that surround me will be forever changed, because I have the knowingness that the power of God is in my hands.

23 August 2005

Journal As I begin this day, I go into it with the knowingness that I am whole and that all that I do today will be of my full potential, I will have the awareness that as I perceive my world and all that is in it I see the divine, life is Good.

24 August 2005

Journal. I received the september issue of Science of Mind last night. Life is beautiful it truly is, every thing is so wonderful. I mean how can it not. I feel so alive. Everytime I see my thoughts form from the nothingness in which we all formed from. I experience my true self that is forever, my Divinity that I hold dear to my heart, and I always feel the presence of God there, the wholeness that I am lives in the deepness of my being.

I am spirit and I will always express this nature of my being in all that I do, say, and think. Forever am I the power of God.

2 September 2005

Journal. It is a sad mess over there in Katrina's aftermath. I feel kind of sickend at how slow the help is going. I feel raged at myself as well becaues I wished to help, to reach out my hand and give some aid, but I am stuck in a cage, so I wrote a letter the other day to Science of Mind's editorial offices, I don't realy know what that will accomplish, but I had to express my aghast, and somehow hope that it my sink in the hearts of others, so now it is up to spirit that I put my fulll trust in, son in truth I have a feeling that it just may pearces there hearts and put them into to action.

5 September 2005

Journal. Today was a most brilliant day. and God loves me.

My genius is part of my greatness, and I love who I am, spirit is alive in me, life is good, because God is Good. My mind has been "on one" of late, then again when is it not, my work is coming together, soon I'll have something to put together as whole, maybe even get it publised, let see where my writing takes me, let spirit fly, let spirit fly, let spirit be a fire in me.

God bless those American Heroes, those gone, and those alive

7 September 2005

Journal. Today the homie Rocky told me that his family is OK, they made it out of New Orleans ok. I was happy for the homie, because a lot of people didn't make it out, God bless them all.

16 September 2005

Journal. I woke early this morn, watched the sunrise, oh what a beautiful morning it is, felled with love, and wonder, I also watched a Live wedding on the NBC Today news show, it was truly beautiful, It is true love, when a man can shead his tears in love for the one he loves, I do wish them a blissful journey of life together, fully f joy, and happyness, may there love ever grow.

I received a letter from sierra last night, just when I was bout to turn in from the day, when her letter came, the first thing I noticed was her smell striming from the piece of paper, what a wonderful fragrance she sets forth. The letter truly ended the day with joy. I closed my eyes wit ha smile on my face.

19 September 2005

Journal. Growth is truly on its course, the genius with in has sprung from its seed, the trusting of the spirit si the place I have come, it is the truth of my life, passion is afire in my soul, God has truly whetted my eye by the experiences he has shown me, it is in the understanding that my thoughts are the voice of God, working through my mind, it is in my action that shows the sweet perfect of God. Genius.

23 September 2005

Journal. My life is insainly beautiful. I have come to see life in such a way that every moment I breath it blos my mind, life be a gift of the father.

I am in a daze of joy there is no words that could feel what the heart feels it is a wonder to see the divinity in everyone, I do not wish to close my eye in fear that I may miss a moment of pure wonder, life is not of our understanding, btu we can see if its understanding, and bring it in to being.

4 October 2005

Journal, I have discovered I have a fire for the painter, yesterday I watched aman paint, it was something simple, but beautiful, and it hit me, his trokes, his style, his elegance with the brushw as beautifly amazing, it wasent just him painting it was something inside him, he realy had a passion for his work.

By seeing this, I picked up my pin, and started drawing a sky and trees, and it came out pretty good, even though it's black and white, but I have a plan to fix that.

I do pray that I may be able to pick up a paint brush one day, sooner then later, for now I'll do with what I have. O the brilliance of the colors coming together, to form such a soul expression, I have to say I have been inspired or should say inpirited.

12 October 2005

Journal. the days have been most expressive of late, Iv truly have been in touch with the heart of my soul, as my writing become more soul natured, I myself dance wit hthe divine, as dose my pen dances across the paper.

This journey in which I walk, I can not promose my sanity will be sound, though I do know that my trust, my faith in my God, the heavenly father, and in my Lord Jesus Christ my savior the son of God, will hold me fast to the course.

This truth that I live by is the knowing of my heart and soul in which I impel in all my works, I know my love for God, my Lord Jesus is my strangth, this love I've obtain for all things keeps me true to myself. Beauty is known to me, and the wonders of life in which I seek, I shall not deny openly, it is my world, my life is of truth and beauty.

13 March 2006

Journal. Staring out my window for hours at a time, while listening to beautiful music is inspiriting. Just by being at that calm place shows me the essence of truth, right there I felt truth I felt God, and it is God that makes me want to be Great in life, and it's so beautiful to know deep down that my Father encourages me to be great. I love my God, I love Jesus my Lord, my king. It truly is a great day when tears fall out of Love and joy.

15 March 2006

Journal. The contemplation of how I see the world in my life is like the sea in a calm summer night, though the waves may seem small but the power and the constancy of its force is one of true and pure beauty. A mind that is coherent with thet flux of life I must stay true to, so my ability to express myself can be true with my life as I live it.

17 March 2006

. I see something new in the air. Only if I had a camera to catch its mysterious presence. I cannot help but wonder if what I capture would be the essence of m ysoul, or as if looking into my reflection. What wonders are out there is a quest that I seek to photograph, to film, to have framed forever in my heart. I embark upon this journey with plesure and loving tenderness.

21 March 2006

Journal. Yesterday the homie Face from Fresno moved in the cell with me. He is a good dude, he's at the point of his life where God is presenet in his mind, the pat has led him to me, and I shall, by the grace of God that works through me help him. I know it is God that works through me, and I know it is not me alone, thus the help shall be divine.

28 March 2006

Journal. It's amazing how life shows you things in every moment that can take to the next step. Life is amovement and it is Good. Todays I have some alone time, the home Face went out to yard. I know things have been brighter because I see and feel the grace of God. Im so happy I feel extremly Good. My spirit is high. Life is truly a bliss. The homeboy Face is cool we laught a lot it's always Good and positive energy in here. The conversations are beautiful, I belive that a friendship has bloomed from this short time we've known one another . ican only see Good things ahead better and better it can only be.

22 April 2006

Journal. I will soon be leaving the SHU. My Merd has ended yesterday on the 21 first. It truly feels good to be getting out of corcoran, I recived my bus ticit to New delano I heard it was a good yard. Im filled with a senses of renewal, of change, and I msut say it feels good.

15 June 2006

Journal. So much uncertenty about the way I function with myself, in the form of honering my own integrety. I feel at aloss at times, with my own choices I feel may be they are not alined with my true spiritual self, I do pray God hears me and hs mircey on me, The thing seems in mind, after Ive made a choice, just not right, I do waonder why I do not see it with those eyes at the time before choices are made, God help me.

28 June 2006

Journal. Ther are thinsg I now feel of myself, that are no longer true, that puling of my identiy. I am confised that maybe I was fooling myself, or is it that I only wish it wasn't true. The chaotic thought is like presher on my heart. Spirit thinking I pray come back to me, life is not the same without your constent probing in my mind. A though is a though until made manifest. To force a quite mind I msut practice it is the only way to clear the strive inside. To ease the pain into submishen. Only with the power, presence and wisdown of God can I do so.

30 June 2006

Journal. The though of change has accured once again, For the Good, to point that out ?. My understanding of things has clearly become more fine. I know thinsg must have its cause, the mistery of this cause I need be focus upon, so the knowing can be established. I do without doubt thank God, for God is the reason for my growth, and my thanks shall always go to God.

23 July 2006

Journal. It is apearent to my that my own will in this world is not of God. So what must be done is that the will of God must be present in my mind. Nothing of my will can be right, that is why the will of God must be done or else what am I living is a lie. My worldly desires hold no purpose in God's eyes, so I found myself in a reform state of mind, were service is my ajenda. To give my life to the will of God, to do right by His Holy name. I am a soul created by the living God. I now quitly wait to hear the voie of God every moment to give myself away to what is right and what is Good.

28 August 2006

Journal. I have changed by the grace of God Aman. I now know the Love of Jesus of God, in my heart, and all I wish to do is give "Him" praise. And give my life in doing the will of God, doing what He wants for me. I understand that I am nothing without God. The power of Christ Jesus has made some great changes in me, and I give "Him" thanks. Thank you my Lord, my God, in Jesus name I pray Aman.

10 September 2006

Journal. The realization of understanding has come full sawy, that I must place myself seconed before others. For what I know I shall be held respensable. So it is acquered of me to use what has been given to me for the purpose of giving God what is His , for the blessing of understands, wisdom, and knowledge a lot is asked of me, in which I cannot refuse, it is no longer a choice but my oblogation to do what is asked of me, though it is frightful, It is God's will and that is joy to my heart.

26 October 2006

Journal.. Though it has been a mear month since Iv writen, alto has occurred in my state of mind. Being in a state of awe because of the thoughts regarding the magnatude of the Lord, its fintastic and joyous to me in all gratitude, that I am able to contemplate the ways of the Lord my God is most amazing to me, where no doubt the glory is the Lords. I mustnt only ponder or speak the truth, which is God, but to live the truth in every aspect of my life, hold on to the promises, and having all faith when the trails of the world come upon me. My life is lived more inwardly then outwardly because of the fact tht the spirit of God dwell's within me, and my heart delighting in the law of my Father my God in Christ Jesus my Lord my thoughts must coinside with the Word of God, so I must reflect on the Word befor I respone to others in word or action.

11 December 2006

Dear Lord. It has been such a life changign experience walking in the truth with you, fully deticated these past month. All the other stuff I was so caught up in was bringing me to my death. The seuxal immoralality of thought and deed, killed me, the false ways of thinking in phylosophy and teachings, killed me, I was reading mostly everythign but Your world, killed me, and I understand that I had to be a broken, and I msut say broken indeed, I went through it, but until I realized that I could not change my way of thinkign by myself, that is when things turn to a different direction, when I called out to you to help me, because I got to the point where, or when I realized that I could not close mye eyes without seeing or thinking all kinds of filth and fornications. I even had to put all my other stuff aside the reading and I believe my writings to if Im not mistaken, for awhile, Now that I realize the power in Your Word, I cant help but be filled with joy in truth, like nevrer befor in all that other stuff I was in. Oh how mangificint You are, I praise Your Holy Name. Lord continue to gudie me in Your truth, in wisdowm and understanding. I do pray for the patients. I know I will be strangthen in faith and in truth, always as brother Paul says "command every man's conscience in the sight of God." I love my Lord my God Holy father in Christ Jesus, Lord of my salvation, redeemer of my soul. Thank you Lord.

17 December 2006

Lord. Today I must say that if I am to live for you, there must be more that I can do, to express my life toward the utmost, in the gifts you've given, to declare Your glory, because I know all is for Your glory. So to speak in truth, I need "help", Lord you know this burning in my gut, Lord, I desire to explode this which you have put in me, so what Lord, what, or how am I to do this? Because I yern with my life, to be lived in You; for You , and in everything that can be done- possible, and unpossible, but I need you to take away this fear and cowerdice.