PRISONER EXPRESS

He was younger than me by four years, and I guess the prospect of starting to turn gray at such an early age shook the younger homie up. "Stop playin' Blood, it's your set!" Young D., although playful, was nevertheless a soldier who, like myself, lived by all the codes of the jungle, and like Tony Montana, our adopted brother and hero from the movie "Scarface", all we had in this world was our word and our balls.

I looked in the mirror and sure enough, there it was, a gray ass hair directly under my chin, slightly to the left. Was it there this morning? Did I miss it while washing my face, camouflaged in soap? Or does gray hair just pop up unannounced and unwelcomed like a loud and greedy uncle with chronic bad breath?!

I guess I too panicked, because I immediately tried to snatch this intruder from my face. It was the enemy and it had to go. Young D. had to grab my hand to stop me, "Nah, don't snatch it out, more will come in its place!" But I wasn't having it. I guess we both looked real crazy with him latching on to my wrist while I'm struggling to eliminate this sole gray hair.

I've since had to accept the fact that from the very time we are conceived, the clock then starts ticking. That proverbial hourglass turns over and with every grain of sand that falls, so does a piece of our existence.

Aging is supposed to be a blessing. The bible even says in Proverbs that a gray head is a crown of glory. But to a prisoner doing life of a long sentence, witnessing in that 8x12 mirror age lines cut into his face while his hair turns the same color as the walls that contain him, it's more a nightmare than a glory.

But then I look at myself, 12 years after that first "gray hair scare". Many more have since taken up residence. I even have a couple on my chest. Maybe the stress of my trial, combined with the trials and tribulations of doing time; of surviving in a "zoo" where all the "animals" are allowed to congregate in the yard, contributed to this early gray. But I see now, with crystal clear clarity, that getting older is indeed a blessing. There are many youngstas in the grave who I'm sure wish they weren't.

And at 39, I'm in tip-top condition! I actually feel 19. I can easily knock out 1000 push-ups in under an hour. I can run circles around the average youngsta coming in. And even the alleged "conditioned" young bucks who try to hang with me on my bar work and calisthenics routines often complain that I'm "trying to kill them" -- more like heal them.

So to that extent, I will venture to say that doing long stretches in prison can have its blessings (and no doubt its curses) physically. I am very blessed. But I'd love to be out there on the beach somewhere, in my Bermuda shorts, showing off a little. Those jet skies out there look like a lot of fun. Can't forget about those lovely creatures in bikinis. Hence, that "curse".

But not to be outdone, my mental and spiritual development actually rivals my physicality. I have a degree in Economics and Theology. I type extremely with little or no typos. And more than anything, I have a passionate love affair with writing. All this acquired while "aging" behind the walls.

In 1996 at the California Men's Colony, I co-wrote a play "Change Gon' Come", to be performed by some enthusiastic prison actors. I had a ball doing the casting, rehearsing and directing. I wasn't there to see it performed on stage as I was relocated to another prison before the show. But I heard it got a standing ovation!

I now write poetry, stories, songs, personal proverbs and screenplays. However most of my energy of late has been focused on my legal pursuits. I am actively seeking my liberation. Funny thing about "liberty" and all the cynicism that may come with it; it's like a tolerant lover whom you often take for granted -- until you lose her, only to realize, now wrapped in a blanket of sadness, that you love and miss her so much.

So as I continue to do the time, and not let it do me, I cling to the understanding that we all are doing time...it just depends on where and how...age well.