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Other essays on this theme
Essay: "Digging Deeper"by Jason Rosa I'm no miner; I'm not in search of coal or gold. I'm in search of myself and who I really am. There is this one book I'm reading, title “The Daily Six,” it inspired me to write to this theme topic. I tried to write on a few topics before but always felt it was never good. I have an upcoming release date Sept. 14, 08. I've been in prison since the age of 16 (tried as an adult), this is my 12th year in jail and I'm tired of it " it's kicking my ass!! Now that I'm like 80 days away, I no longer play the rec room to watch TV as I once used to, instead I'm reading self help books, writing and getting my vocab sufficient, playing my cubicle more often, not playing around with these guys that are subject to change like the price of gas, one day they're alright and the next day they want to knock your head off. So I avoid that by avoiding them and cut off all ties " “I clean my hands” " is what I tell them. I can't afford to give any more of my life to this place. I already lost my mom (2002 " R.I.P Ma). My family is much different now than we were growing up with each other. My real friends who are a chosen few, know more about me than anyone in my family ever will.
As I have learned, this is my “gift of desperation.” It took a dramatic change in my life to find my self identity, to find ways to be smarter, stronger, being able to speak well, have a vision and realize that “all that, is not elusive.” I'm grateful for what I have been through, all the struggles, the fights, the experiences. I'm not dead and that's what matters most. “Stop blaming your fears of tomorrow on your experiences of yesterday. Build a bridge and get over it!!” (quote from: Deborah Bruce). I'm in my zone, I'm about to get out and show my doubters this is where it counts. Prison is my stepping stone. I'm not going back down stairs to the basement because there is no way out, the windows are too small!! (That is, the windows of opportunity) I'm going straight to the top. My boy tells me “you are the worst critic.” And when my female friend calls me handsome it makes me feel good. The little things is what I'm digging for, little things like 4 minutes of quiet time, to gather my thoughts and elude the dwelling. It's been too long, freedom is moments away, the time is going by so fast and the anxiety is building. Little things like holding my friend's baby boy (2 " months) on the visit. I was holding the bottle for him to drink his apple juice while she went to the vendor. Che started choking and instinctively I put him on my shoulder, patter his back until he was fine. That MADE MY DAY, I knew what I was doing and I haven't held a baby since I was a child when my 1st younger sister was born. (She made me a big brother, I love you Jennifer) This theme stuff is like writing a letter in a sense, I'm just letting it flow. I was re-reading the theme topics on strength and I got an idea of how to go about this one. In particular, rebuilding strength is one of my favorites. From the winter/spring 08 newsletter by Daniel Harris (Thanks man " it was food for thought) I'm not done digging, I'm still in search of significance, purpose, and the way to live life correctly. It's deep and I'm going to get there and keep going when I do... Until my life is complete. |