|
Other essays on this theme
Essay: "Expectations"Expectations From Childhoodby Jonathan Hooper I believe our expectations derive from our early childhood. Which I'm sure most would agree as a child we don't know what expectation is. Yet, it has become a part of our demands. When a child depends on the parent(s), naturally they aid their needs. And when it becomes "ritual," so to speak, then the child has taken that into his or her adaptation of growing. But again the child had no knowledge of what he or she is doing. But the subconscious acknowledges this act and expresses it through our consciousness. But as the child grows, some of the childhood dependencies chip away. I believe the ones that we don't need, but the ones that stay- that we have so vainly held onto- become a part of our personality. These that remain are dependent upon another's doing, love, words, touch, or presence. And when we lack that particular expectation, it becomes an emotional problem.
For example, Love: Love is laced together by ribbons of hopes, dreams, wishes, and promises. When you fall in love with someone it's as if you didn't even make the choice to fall in love, all you know is that some unknown force has pulled you to this person or vice versa. And one is compelled to a make a sacrifice or "down payment" to keep this moment forever. When in love we're so naïve that we believe this love/bliss will last forever. Reality has changed for one who's in love. All the impossible is now possible. We pour out our love to our hearts content. And for this we expect the same in return. Or else it wouldn't be love. I used to think that if I exposed my inner secrets and traumatized childhood to a girl I once was in love with, then I gave her a part of me that was all the me I had. That was the down payment. It was a part of me that I could never get back. That's when our expectations exceed our limits. Promises are made that will never be fulfilled. Dreams are shattered, the wishes never come true, and our hope is what led us to this painful end. Love is first, pain is last. You can't have one without the other. And to think it was our great expectancy that pushed the love away. We can't expect love to last or for the other to love us the same. Things have to come on their own in their own way. When we begin to expect things of others then we are paving the way for the path of destruction, so back to the child. If we were to raise our child or children in a way that we don't run to their every need, unless of course, it's life or death situation or any other danger of great or lesser extreme, then we allow the child to experience situations on their own and with their own emotions, as well as to make their own judgments with out the shadow of the parent. Then they will learn the actual outcome through their own experience. Then they will know what they are allowed to expect in their life as they grow up. And therefore there will be less chance for any emotional pain due or false expectations. Most children are raised in the eyes of the parent(s) with the pressure of the parents' expectations. And that leads the child, as they grow, to exhaust themselves to meet the expectations of their parents. And if that child should fail at a task then it will and if that child should fall at a task then it will have a serious emotional effect on them. They will feel like a failure not because they didn't satisfy themselves but because they didn't satisfy their parents' expectations. In situations as this the child ahs no desire of self-satisfaction until he/she satisfies the expectations of their parent(s) and in success then the child is satisfied. That's a never ending cycle that can be on forever unless the "victim" is made aware of the problem. This leads back to relationships. One might find a significant other that's the likeness of their parent(s). This person will exhaust himself to meet the expectations of his counterpart. And in his/her heart that's love, which is truly blind love. One is not living and loving for them but only for another. And when the good comes to an end then we have this feeling of being lost as if we don't know who we are. That's because we spent our whole time living in the eyes of another and to their expectations. So, when it comes to face ourselves we can't because we have alienated ourselves, and we find ourselves blaming Mom and/or Dad not really knowing why. But that's our subconscious telling us that, because consciously we miss all the important things in life but our subconscious brings these things to light. So, we are at the point where we can choose to correct this problem or ignore the signs and look for another with high expectations to repeat the process again before the pain goes away and we are totally lost to ourselves.
So, in conclusion, parents shouldn't weigh the burden of high expectations on their child as they grow because the parent won't be around forever to always guide the child/teen so let the child live for their own will and be themselves with their own expectations because that's when they're living their own life that's more productive. Finally, people will tend to mirror back to your expectations. The way they treat you reveals the thoughts you carry, your assumptions and beliefs. What you expect from people tend to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The Rosenthal effect! -Johnathan Hooper |