Other essays on this theme

Essay: "Favorite Trip"

In my youth it was trips to hunt and fish I favored. In latter years the trips that brought me pleasure required little mobility, just plentiful substances to alter my mind. Today, it's not the trip but the final destination that matters.

In administrative segregation (ad-seg) we are ruled by a policy called the Level System. It's not considered punitive. They say it's corrective. We all know it's punishment, call it what you will.

In October, 2006, stress and anger got the better of me and I ended up losing my level-1 status. With it went all my favorite privileges. As a level-3 I lost all right to possess property. No typewriter. No radio. No papers not considered legal in nature. No books, unless they're religious. I kept my dictionary by claiming words were sacred to me. Thus began a ninety-day odyssey. It can't be called a favorite trip, but it was my only way back to the favorite place available to me. Level-1 is a subjective destination worth the effort.

My first forty days were spent at level-3, though only thirty days is required to reach level-2. In that time there was no weekend recreation. I wore shackles on my ankles, as well as the usual handcuffs, whenever I left my cell. Store would only sell me correspondence and hygiene supplies. That extra ten days was blamed on the ad-seg captain not having a secretary. She didn't have one when I got in trouble either and they had me at level-3 in less than an hour. Mail couldn't be stopped and I soon had more books to read to keep my mind off of the injustice.

The last leg of the journey began when I was given my level-2 and could get my books and papers back. They didn't come. I was told I had too much property. "Fine," I said, "bring it to me and I'll cull it." It came in dribs and drabs. The lion's share was still stored in the property room when I reached my ninetieth day case free. I didn't get my level-1, but finally started to get my level-2 property, the books and papers I should have had weeks before.

It wasn't until the ninety-third day that my level-1 was reinstated. It meant nothing until the next day when they finally brought back my electronics and the remainder of my level-2 property. It happened to be store day. I made my first level-1 spend in nearly four months. All the feelings of abuse remained, but I felt better about it. I was back.

They should admit it's punishment. How else do you correct behavior? I stand correctedâ€"punished tooâ€"and can only hope I don't forget how it feels to have nothing, even if only temporary, while I traverse the desolate terrain between levels on a trip of correction.