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Essay: "Fitting In"

The search of life while youthful was so very elusive and aloof. Life's meaning and trying to find the groove to which I might fit in was a missed opportunity. Moving from one group to another, one lifestyle to another, my personality would change so I would be liked and accepted and able to fit in. Finally I found the love and the group of where I was loved and accepted, it was the drug culture. Finally fitting in with that group lead me to be fitted into the penitentiary.

While in my youth I felt invincible, confident and high most of the time and I might add my skin fit my body. I thought, by error, that I had the world by the tail when in actuality life had me by the neck. As long as I had money, booze, or dope I was readily accepted by my so-called friends. When that was gone, so were the friends and it took me years to notice that because I was always high or on dope or booze. I was caught up in "doing my own thing" while in truth, "my thing was doing me!" After a time I became out of control, and participated in other criminal activity. Eventually law enforcement saw to it that I was fitted in to prison. And justifiably so, I fit into the criminal element.

In prison I found my groove and fitted in the gang, after the first six years of prison I joined to show loyalty and persevere against the violent elements. And I fit in that group for 20 years. That caused security to fit me into Administrative Segregation.

Now at 45 years old I began to look at life in the rearview mirror. I discovered I wasn't fitting in with the mainstream ideas of a life worth living. Because I had finally reached the bottom of the bottom, the lowest of the low coming to Ad. Seg. What I found though is that being fitted in a single cell was the best thing that's ever happened to me. It's where I ask Jesus to fit in my heart and I accepted Him as my Lord and Savior and confessed my sins to Him. I'm no longer a gang member and I'm still in segregation and that's cool by me.

I have finally found the perfect place where I fit in, that being the family of God. I not only fit in, I am loved and accepted and I am fitted into the eternal kingdom of God. Yes, in youth my skin fit but now almost 48 my skin no longer fits but I fit in my skin. And I owe it all to Jesus who has shown me a love so beautiful I cannot turn away. The search is over, I have come to know the Lord and I found the Real Groove. A place to Fit In.

May God Richly Bless You Too! -Silent