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Essay: "God"

by David Snyder
Is there a god?
An eternal question.
Debatable.
A source of wars, religious fervor, sycophants, cults, religious racism, justification, damnation and who knows what in the future. Dozens of faiths and faiths within faiths. There are three essential labels.
Atheist.
Agnostic.
Believer.

I have been all three, am all three and will be all three in times to come. A little less than twenty years my parents said I can pick my own faith. I chose Baptist. "Shit happens" as they say. Events in my life made me question, then angry, and last, turn my back. I was filled with hate at how much pain and loss had been in my life. The whole "benevolent" God was a cosmic joke. All the war, crime, hate, death, starvation, racism, etc was not a benevolent God. There was nothing I could find to justify this God.

So, I condemned for the contradiction of what was preached and promised to reality.

Even today I'm not exactly sure when, how, where or why. Maybe I needed something? Looking for something? I chose to be agnostic.

Yes, I believe. In God? No. A God? No. A higher power? Yes. This power is everything, everywhere and all. It's nothing, nowhere and none. Equal. Light to dark. Good to evil. War to peace. Life to death. The list is virtually endless. Above all, you cannot accurately define it. It's just there and not there. You'll have the answer when you're dead. Death? So it's Heaven, Hell or Purgatory. Sure, I believe they exist. One place for all? No. Paradise or torment or limbo. Every soul has it's place made for their happiness, horror or unsure. Church is nice and comforting. But, you can worship anywhere.

Prisoners have church but can't go to that comfort any time chosen. Also, nine times out of ten, faiths have to share a place which further limits time. Every cell is essentially a church in itself. Whether choose it to be or not is a personal choice.

I let anyone have their faith. Like all things, just don't push it on me if I don't want it. So, I have to sometimes laugh at the prisoner who "found God" or was "saved" by God. They're entitled to their belief. What I don't understand is why did it take prison? Go is good only when you're in prison? Until then he's just a convenience or a go-to-guy? I don't get it. You do what you have to do to survive prison. If God works then don't let go. If God doesn't then find something that does. The point, either way, is survive.