PRISONER EXPRESS

Gratitude is being thankful or showing thanks. Is this an attitude? Is an attitude not an emotional state of mind or thinking? Is gratitude not something we show, or should show when a deep emotion is touched? Gratitude, does it even exist or is it just a myth? Some say yes, some say no, I say it depends on your attitude toward life.

For years I flipped society the finger, with good reason of course. I had the feeling everyone was against me. Nothing I ever did was good enough. No one ever showed me gratitude. Since the age of eleven, I've had those matching bracelets on my wrists more times than I care to count. I'm now twenty two years old, in and out of trouble and I've never given it a second thought.

See, where I'm from, the pen is not the place to be caught slipping, because while you're dwelling on your should'ves, could'ves, or would'ves, someone is dwelling on your kicks or commissary. So I haven't had too much time to think of how ungrateful of a person I have been. That all changed when I got locked up in Pennsylvania, the prisons here are more resorts than penitentiaries. Lots of people try to act bad ass but I know badass and this isn't it. On top of being at this resort I've been blessed to be confined to a solitary suite, complete with room service and all. It's been this way for seventeen months off and on. I go to pop and come right back. But I rather like it here.

Being isolated has given me time to think of all the people who I should be sending Christmas cards to. For starters, the witnesses on my case, the DA who prosecuted me, and the state that holds me captive. Why should I thank them? Simple, they saved my life as well as some of my foes. During my isolated time I've been alone with me, myself, and I. Let me tell you, it's not easy dealing with myself and I, but for the most part they're good folks. The conversations and feed back they give is mostly why I keep them around. Had it not been for the aforementioned people, I would've never been able to know myself this well. All my life I've been fighting the system and look what the system has done in my favor. Remember that 90's pop song, isn't it kind of ironic?

Secondly, I got to give it up to society, because without you I wouldn't have any hardships to say I'm thankful I made it through. I tipped my finger at you before, now I'm tipping my hat! Last, but never least, my mama! I can remember when she was on my enemy list, in the top 5. Now she's on my best friend list, in the top 2. All the times I thought she was against me, thought she didn't care, she was really caring more than anyone else. So many preventive measures were taken to ensure my success, but I thought they were holding me back from my greatness and look, I didn't even know my potential until now. How did I pay her back, the same way we all have, by indulging in a life of crime. But thanks to the Commonwealth of PA... I have changed my attitude and I plan to show her gratitude when I get out. So, I guess gratitude is a matter of Attitude. But there's a flipside to it. Sometimes you will never get a grateful smile. I have a story to show just that, and then...I will leave you to your thoughts.

The Farmer, the Snake, and the Heron: One day, a farmer was walking down the road. He bumped into a snake that was being chased by other farmers. "Hide me please, I beg you," the snake said to the farmer. The farmer agreed and let the snake climb into his stomach. The other farmers passed by and kept searching elsewhere. When they were out of sight, the farmer said, "Oh snake, it's safe, you can come out now." The snake refused, saying "It's nice and warm in here I think I'll stay". Outraged, the farmer begged and pleaded to no avail until he happened upon a heron. The farmer bent and whispered to the heron about his plight and asked if he would help, the heron agreed. He told the farmer to squat and force the snake's head out. As the farmer complied, the snake peeped his heat out to see what was going on, and the heron snatched it out of the farmer. Overjoyed, the farmer told the heron, "thank you, how can I ever repay you?" The heron said, "Don't mention it." Fearing that the snake had bitten and poisoned him, he asked the heron if he knew a cure. The Heron replied, "To cure a snake bite, you must eat ten white fowls." The farmer said, "Well, you're a white fowl, why don't we start with you?" The farmer grabbed the heron and put him into a bag. When he got home he ordered his wife to cook the bird while he told her of his adventure. When he was done, the wife asked, "After all this bird has done for you, you want me to cook it. He saved your life, I will not cook it. I'm setting it free." Before the farmer could object she had cut the bird loose, but before he left, the bird scratched the woman's eyes out then flew away. Moral: When you see a river flowing uphill, you'll know a kind act has been repayed. Aesops fables.

Now what does that say about gratitude? Is it a myth or does it exist. For me, it does, because of my attitude. Why? Because gratitude is an attitude!