Other essays on this theme

Essay: "Loyalty"

by Ruben Benavides
There are so many things and people we are loyal to. Like so many times, it's always the wrong things and people. We are so caught up in "the mix" we don't ever realize it or don't care. Some are loyal to drugs, women, and the fast life. But are we being loyal to the people or ourselves? I guess it doesn't even matter. For myself, I've been loyal to so many things, right or wrong…I stood firm, not to be boastful or brag, I've done my share to stick to my oath. I'm from the street, no, not homeless. I made my living being ok breaking the law. I grew up the hard way, but didn't have to. I've been loyal to the streets, my customers, to my drug connections, etc. But I thought I was being loyal to my family, kids, my ex, which really I put them second. But most importantly, I forgot about the people who were loyal to me. The people who never told me no, and never closed their doors in my face. These faithful people are my sisters, my crime partner, and little bro I never had Krooked Kris…and of course I can't forget my loving Mom. While doing bad crimes (which I won't admit to in this article), hurting people and one time or another being in their presence in a stupor, which is disrespectful. For me, and probably the rest of us in prison, the only person who's stuck by my side is my mother. No matter the situation when the smokes clears, my Mom is right there. To see how I am, how I'm feeling. I've been there a lot this time down. My girlfriend left my two boys at my sisters house, and who went to get them, who went to court for a while year to get full right? Who gave them food, love, shelter, who did all this without asking? MOM. All this I mentioned has been these past years and of course I can't mention everything. Anything you can think of positive…she's been doing it.

Now let me take you to my past. First of all, she birthed me. Through all that pain and probably some cussing she loved me. I also remember the time I stole my first car with my best friend, which was my first time being in trouble with the law. We were joy riding and got pulled over. That was my first time being in trouble with the law. They had to call my house so she could come pick me up…3 in the morning she went and got me out. Even though she told me she would never get me out again, she did numerous times and signed me out. This other time I decided to stop stealing cars and jumped into the drug game selling cocaine in the early 90s, which at the time I was probably 14 years old.

I was doing fine, had my own money and bought my own clothes, until I was at a party and fell into temptation. I did my first line of coke and it was something new to me. Like they say…"The rest was history."Oh by the way…did I mention I was selling for a big time dope dealer? I know I was in big trouble and had to face up to what I did. So I went and let her know what had happened. All she asked was how much money I owed. At that time we were living in the projects and at those times it was called "terria de los Muentos," land of the dead. Because of the people they were finding dead. What did she do, she went and called the dope dealer and told him that I had his money and asked him not to give me any more drugs. She gave me the money like BAM!! Here you go. Go and take care of this and come home son. When I got back home dinner was ready and she gave me a hug. Of course, the ass beating commenced right after that (smile) which got me straight. And I started school in the fall. Now back in school other kids were wearing new clothes and shoes. Name brand, which my Mom couldn't afford. I saw a lot of kids smoked weed but were too scared to go to the house that sold it. Scared to be seen by someone who knew their parents. So I put 2 and 2 together and started selling my own weed, which went on for some time. I also decided to smoke a joint before school started behind the gym. Long story short I got busted…snitched on by another student. So I'm high and they had to call my Mom to come pick me up at school. So she had to get out of work…that action right there got me expelled from school for the rest of the year. Man I can go on and on how my Mom has helped me along. Even this time she has been loyal to me. When she could of just washed her hands with me.

I got a 25-year sentence, she still stands firm and has been raising my two wonderful sons for six years now. She does all she can do for me and the rest of the family. Man how in hindsight I see my Mom has did so much for me. This is loyalty I can't get any where else. Now you might say she did that because I'm her son and she's my mother. Naw, naw…I've seen a lot of dudes in here that their Moms have cut them off completely. I'm talking about she don't send no letters, phone calls, nothing. Not even when or if they make it out of this place.

I've seen many people in here whose Moms have cut them off completely: no letters, phone calls, nothing, not even when or if they make it out of this place. Any of us can be in that situation. No other woman would of done for me like my Mom. At the first sign of trouble…they are gone. Like most girlfriends with their guys in prison, they will eventually fall off and leave you stranded. You all know what I'm talking about. So think back…how many times have we reached out for someone and your Mom's hand was already on your shoulder, or wiping tears out of your eyes. Even if she might not be living, you better believe she is watching after you in heaven.

I am grateful and very humble that my mother has been loyal to me, loving me no matter what I've done or continue to do. As her son, she's always been my hero. And when this gets printed in Prisoner Express News for the world to read... "I say this: You've been the best. I want to thank you for your loyalty Ama. I know it wasn't an easy trying to raise me. But one thing is for sure…you never gave up on me. So it's my turn to return the loyalty Ama. I'm here and I want you to forgive me for the pain I've caused. It I ever hurt you with my stupid mistakes or choices in life, I am sorry. You know your baby boy loves you. Through all these years you've done everything you could for all of us. So I thank you. I forgot to mention my only brother who has always been the person I looked up to. I didn't forget you bro. Thank you for everything you've done for me, and Ruben and Nicholas. So to all my family, thank you for all threes years of loyalty and love."