PRISONER EXPRESS

I think about this all the time. I am quite sure that no day goes by that I don't think about living life on parole. I have yet to ever be granted parole but the day is arriving in just a couple of years. Since I have been incarcerated for all this time I do know that living life out there on life's terms in the 'Free world' will definitely be a rather daunting phase in life. I will be on parole or probation for the better part of ten years when I do get out of prison, so this will not be a temporary one or two year stint, this will have to become a way of life for me. I just recently went for an annual review and, due to many budget restrictions; the reclassification system has changed a small bit. The D.O.C.s decided that I am still a high risk offender and will keep my security level at four (behind the walls), yet decided to take the last twelve months of my incarceration and send me to work release so as to start phasing me back into society. This is extremely fine with me, yet I was a little taken aback at the real possibility of being out of prison one year early, even if only to work. Do the fact that I have mandatory work release when I get done with my initial prison incarceration; this is like receiving an instant and unexpected one-year time cut. This new policy takes the two and a half years I have left to do and knocks it down to eighteen months; add to that that I am on target to receive a six month substance abuse time cut in about two months, and now suddenly I'm out in less than a year, and wow, when it first dawned on me my heart started beating a million beats a minute.

Everything I've thought constantly of over the last nine years and now it's in my face and I can't wait, and yet I have many fears. Now people that wouldn't even take the time to write a few lines on a sheet of paper and send a letter are now popping out of the wood work trying to be last minute saviors. It's definitely a nerve-racking situation in whole. I mean I know I'll get a job, and do this and do that, and be ok but so many unanswered questions and things that you're not looking forward to. Like the first time you're offered a drink or to stop at the local watering hole and knock a couple back with the guys. Or the family, how the children will react, and the ex-wife scenario, it's all so real, so fast, and it's do or die time. All the talking in the world that we all have done its now time to put up or shut up. I know that I can do it; I just hope that I do.

During the course of my incarceration I've had opportunity to see many guys come back on parole violations. Some, you just knew would be back, others you really thought had what it takes to make it, surprised you when they walked back through that door. All in all who's to say who's going to make it? I know that I am starting to send out letters and get my affairs in order and that alone is a task. Who knew that today it would be so hard to get Social Security cards and Birth Certificates and other various legal and government documents? Rent for two bedroom apartments has doubled out there. Today it's next to impossible to get a drivers license because of identity theft. Am I ready for all of this? Is society ready for me? I am not sure of any of these things, I am sure that I plan to do every thing in my power to stay out and stay free. I know that I will do everything in my power to mend my relationship with my daughter. I know that I will try to be the best father I can be. I know that I will try to be the best person I can to the women I meet and date and fall in love with. Bottom line, I'm scared, I think that it is only natural to fear the unknown. Is my fear going to prevent me from moving forward? No, it never has before. I will get out there and do every thing I can to be the man I always knew I could be!