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Essay: "Personal Boundaries"

by Solars,J.
"Borders: a decisive point to which one secures his own space." All too often we define the word to meaning property or country. Yet, this is not the case. The safest man is the man that can maintain a good distance (be it physical or mental) from all those of whom he is in contact. A wise man will keep his borders uncluttered with farce relationships. There is no safe ally to any one individual in this world. Every man's enemy is his friend kin or lover. After many years of both direct and indirect observation I've found that the greatest safety is that of complete separation.

The preservation of self is to keep one separate from all people on any level other than that of associative existence. To survive we must co-exist. However, to be completely safe a person must establish perimeters for self preservation. The late Keith Whitley sang of sacrifices made by brothers and crucifying be done by lovers. No friend, brother, kinfolk or lover can be trusted into the very private confines of ones own mind. And this is exactly where the borders must be established.

In view of personal experience, the safest border is to maintain all relationships on a business level. This doesn't exclude any relationship since all relationships are established for the needs of the individual. In being one of the socially rejected, the single greatest fact is "people only need a person as long as they have some need that needs fulfilling." Often we let down our borders to invite someone in that appears to be sincere. Yet this is our weakness. By being enticed that it is our mutual desire, the single greatest border jeopardized is in intimacy. Again, after years of abandonment, I can truthfully say that there exists no sincere motivation of love or compassion that justifies the invitation to anyone to pass beyond the border of safety.

Perfect boundaries are those borders defined by economic truth. Marriage is a farce business arrangement much like any religious organization who prophets on love and compassion. Should a marriage be constructed on a business manner then there would be no frustrations or disappointments. Religion is a perfect example of a business in love and compassion. As long as a person gives the church a certain amount of money then the congregation accepts that person. And, coincidentally, neither the preacher nor anyone lese is knocking at your door trying to invade your border.

Countries work well together as long as their borders are not invaded. What is allowed across the border is those things to which the parties involved will prophset. Borders, be the individual or national, should be established on principles of business.

-J. Sollars