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Essay: "Presidential Elections"

Presidential Election

Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Peter Poindexter of the Daily Puppet, a newspaper out of Bendover, Ohio. And of course this is my talking Parrot, Justice.

We are at a 2004 Presidential Debate in New York between John Kerry and current President George W. Bush. They are going to answer questions from my colleagues and I on various issues the American people are interested in today.

As President Bush takes the stand and the crowd quiets down, I shoot my hand in the air "But, Darn a little ole Gal beat me to it". "Mr. President", she coos sweetly, "could you tell us what happened to the weapons of Mass destruction (WMD)?" "Yes, yes of course," the President says. My cabinet and I were informed by the Circumstantial Intelligence Agency (C.I.A) that yes, Iraq did have (WMD), but we have been unable to locate them thus far.

"Rawk Bullshit!!", Says my parrot whom I knock in the head to keep him quiet. I look around and see everyone staring at me. My face burning from embarrassment, I shoot my hand in the air. "Yes", Mr. President Bush says.

"Sir, can you tell us why rehabilitation programs are almost nonexistent today in America? And do you feel that is the cause for a 70% recidivism rate that exists among ex-convicts today?" "Yes, yes of course", says Mr. Bush. "I have been informed by my cabinet and the C.I.A. that every prison in America today has Rehab programs for every inmate and the cause for our high recidivism rate among ex-convicts is simply because they didn't learn their lesson the first time.

"RAWK Bullshit! Rawk Bullshit", says Justice. I hit him on the head again...and once more I am the object of everyone's attention, and from the corner of my eye, I see some serious looking gentlemen working their way towards me. I raise my hand one more time before Mr. Bush leaves. "Yes", he says. "Sir, could you tell us if abuse by prison guards is being dealt with so it doesn't continue in America's prison systems?" "Yes, yes of course", the President says. "I have been informed by not only my cabinet but the C.I.A and the Federal Bureau of Idiots (F.B.I) that there is no abuse being committed by prison guards in America's prisons today!!!"

"RAWK Bullshit RAWKI Bullshit!!!!!" Says Justice before he flies off high up on one of the lights so one of the burly men closing in can't get him.

As President Bush sits down and Mr. Kerry takes the stand, four really mean looking men start to escort me from the room. I hear that little gal with the sweet voice ask Mr. Kerry about the WMD. As he clears his through to speak, I see Mr. President Bush lean over and lift his leg and let out a loud, gigantic fart. The reporters start screaming "SIR, what did you say? Can you repeat that for us?" Bush just smiles and says, that was classified information from the C.I.A.

As I am hustled out the door the door my parrot swoops over the stage and drops a load on John Kerry's head. I hear Mr. Bush scream though I can't understand what he said, then I hear gunshots and I am shoved out into the crowd. The last thing I saw was my parrot desperately flying for freedom...

I awake the next morning to the headline on the morning paper, "Bush's Cherry Tree", By Peter Poindexter of the Daily Puppet As I stand there, President Bush's truthfulness and dedication remind me of another man with the same name, our founding father and first President George Washington once said, "I can not tell a lie"..... Another article on 9C caught my eye. It was by a colleague of mine: "Justice is Dead", by Martha Stewart of The Daily Puppet Justice, the talking parrots last desperate try for freedom was halted by a hale of bullets from President Bush's secret service personnel after president Bush screamed "Fire!!" The officers opened fire and nothing was to be seen but a few remaining feathers. Bush's last words were "our public servants do us proud!!"