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Essay: "Sources of Strength"

by Levar Chung
I couldn't think of overcoming depression Â'cause I've been stressed out to the point where I didn't give a flying flidduck...overwhelming tension and my body-mind boggling with my thoughts having shoot-outs, just wanting my own space wherever I say be, not wanting to do shit but zone out in my own world with some sticky caramel in a mahogany twisted Philippina. Feel me!! I looked up "depression" and say nah, I've been das-efx sewage-gutterly spiritually low like bottles of spirits that supposed to life you up but have you dragging your soul to catch up, just wanting to go to the top floor of the roof (not jump)-but inhale the fresh air, eyes closed, feeling much lighter...floating away from daily drama. A dose of oxygen for clarity to your visions. After all is said and done, I've been stressed but not depressed and when I see people at that point of grounded-see Â'em smile-they them know that someone's thinking 'bout them.

My earliest sources of strength was seeing my mother going through so much turmoil and strife just to make sure her children can have. Always putting "us" first. Playing the role of both parents is some serious shhh...I be damned if that didn't strengthen me, as she kept her head up with dignity, stamina-a beautiful solja who can be so tender with a hug and kiss and still be a source of strength to our spirits as the world tries to put down any woman who has more courage, wisdom, compassion, persistence than men in general who cry for leisure, envy another's bravery, or just plain selfish. I've learnt a lil' charm from her, understood woman a lil' more to be equipped when dealing with them, so of course you know my intuition scares Â'em sometimes. She can be said to be paralleled with Queen Sheba, Joan of Arc, Harriet Tubman, Maua Angelou, Sojourner, Wendy Mandekla, Sade, Assata Shakur, Coretta Scott and higher.

If they say "hood women are never remembered in history..." she's the baddest (best) solja you'd salute. As a source of strength reminded when I feel as if I'm losing a grip on that powerful force motivating me internally, I think of all my sources and she's definitely one of them. Sometimes I just want to find that omnipotent energy inside me when I got more blues than Billie Holiday vocals escorting B.B King's Lucilles melody in the "Blue Note" lounge. That omnipotence is what gets me over Mt. Sinai multiplied by Mt. Kilimanjaro's height; sometimes I wonder when will it come restore me back to my vibrant self again when I feel lower than lava scorpions near the earth's core. All the while we have to find an expressive outlet for that negative tension which we call stress or others "depression." Find sources of strength in many things we overlook and sometimes "keeping it simple"-it's the best way you'll find that reservoir of strength. Simple can be defined in various ways, but when broken down it's not too complex. Until next time..."I salute all those in the struggle!"