PRISONER EXPRESS

My next memory concerns a nosedive down a flight of stairs; this resulted in a broken arm. There was no second chance mid-flight, but I wish there would have been.

But seriously, life is one second chance after another in most cases and I have blown many of those second chances. Matter of fact, I'm pretty much batting a thousand at this point.

Writing from maximum security prison in Huntsville, TX is a good illustrative proof of blown chances, as this is not my first trip. Being a creature of habit, I would get out of prison and return to my former actions and vices which would again have me returning to prison shortly.

However, because life is filled with second chances I knew I would sooner or later be released and given another chance. I'm now close to receiving my 4th or 5th chance.

Some will say, "You don't deserve any more chances; if you haven't learned by now, you never will." I ask, "What is there to learn? Is it right from wrong? Maybe respect for the law or others?" The truth is that I knew right from wrong a long time ago, and I can respect you as well as the next guy. Choosing to do right instead of wrong is more of the issue.

Sometimes the risk of taking chances is what is alluring. Crime becomes what another roll of the dice is to an addicted gambler. It's you against the system, you against the streets, you against the world. It is exciting; it can also be deadly.

Like most gamblers end up, I too, have become bankrupt. My bankruptcy has nothing to do with money; but life in general. I have run out of life to wager, no longer can I afford to chance another roll of the dice.

I often think of all the young people out there who are now gambling with drugs, with crime, and with unprotected sex and I see the same type of chance takers as I was. And as long as they have something to wager, as long as they can afford to lose; they will continue to risk themselves. The sad thing is that you eventually run out of chances.

There is a social pattern in place within society. In order to function in a positive way and even prosper, we have to live within that social pattern; at least in a general way. Taking the risks that landed me here required me to step outside that pattern of social mores.

That pattern is a swift flowing river. The current is so strong that swimming against it eventually becomes extremely difficult. You become very tired and as it drains your strength you realize it is much better to swim with the current than against it. It really seems the only way to make any meaningful progress.

Life is so valuable and is truly a commodity that should be treasured by each of us. We are given only a certain amount of time and the way we use it and the quality of it is what is important.

I have realized (the hard way) that those things I risked and wasted my life to achieve really weren't worth tit. You quickly say, "But had you gotten away with it; you wouldn't be saying that."

Well, I have gotten away with much more than I have been caught for. As is always the case, nothing I ever got away with brought me lasting happiness. Those things I thought could bring me happiness really couldn't. They could only provide temporary illusions of happiness.

When it is our time to pass on from this life, it will be those meaningful memories that we will cherish and reflect back on. Memories of things of real value, such as family and friends, laughter, and smiles. (I have never heard of anyone wanting their fancy car parked next to their death bed.) Those are the things I should have lived for rather than wasting chances on "stuff" that I would eventually become bored or discontented with.

I am fortunate to have one more chance to swim that river of life. I will swim with the flow and I'll seek those things in life that are to be had as a natural result of living within the social pattern that has been I place since the dawn of civilization.

Relationships of value are the prize worth investing those second chances in. Everthing else is just "stuff" or temporary stimulation. The stuff becomes boring and the stimulation wears off. But lasting relationships... those close relationships will always be worth obtaining and maintaining because they are life's foundation. They are the real fabric of a meaningful life. Without them you are an island; a lonely and purposeless island.

We have all heard the saying that you don't know what you've got until it's gone. It is so true.

Having wasted every second chance I've been given; I encourage you to take those second chances seriously. And if you risk or invest yourself in anything; do it in meaningful relationships. Being an island sucks...