The journal of Paul Agee

Table of Contents:

1 Jan 2005

It's a new year and I always look forward to making it a better year and how I can do it. As of today I have 5 years and 18 days remaining on this prison sentence. I truly can't complain about this past year. I got in no trouble, (which is importantL I got in trouble twice in 2003 which cause my release date to change from October 2009 to January 2010.) Anyway, as sad as it may be I've found that being a little less social makes prison life easier. I'm 53 years old and don't have the patience I once had. Anyway, 2005 will involve a prison transfer, (around June or July) so thing will change.

Week #1 - 9 Jan 2005

I've decided Sunday will be Journal Day. It's the end of the week and a good day to be retrospective. (Sarah McLaughlin is on the radio: What a beautiful voice.) It's been raining all week, (I'm in California State Prison - Sacramento) but it rarely affects me. I was outside once. My cell has a frosted window so you can't see anything. I spent most of the week watching T.V. Bad habit but it helps time elapse. I'm sending away for a consumer's guide that may help me locate my ex-wife. It's been over 25 years so it's a long shot but I'd like to see how she's doing. I've realized that a lot of subjects I've been curious about can easily be resolved on-line. People in prison aren't allowed on-line. Your communication couldn't be monitored. Anyway, we'll see if I have any luck. (I have no children.) Last week out prison movies were 'Van Helsing' - *1/2 stars - and 'White Chicks' - did not watch it. This week was boring but good.

Week #2 - 16 Jan 2005

This week started out terrible. A correctional officer in a southern California prison was killed by inmates. On Tuesday, they "locked down" every prison in the state of California. They do this to make sure the death wasn't gang-initiated and make sure it doesn't carry over into other prisons. When that happens, we stay in our cells: no work, meals brought to us, etc. It only lasted one day but incidents like that are sad. I work in the prison grocery store ("canteen"). I worked all week. A job in prison helps time pass so it's always a good thing to me. I get paid $0.31 an hour... but, I owe the court restitution so the state takes 44% of any money I get. So in a good month I make $20. It helps. I spend a great deal of time watching T.V. (Desperate Housewives!) Probably too much but again, it kills time. It's interesting that in the free world, people strive, (or should) to enjoy every day/moment. In prison, we strive to rush the clock of time... until we get out. The football season is winding down. (No 49ers... Boo!!) 'Til next week.

Week #3 - 23 Jan 2005

This week started with my getting a lot of exercise. Monday I had 2 hours outside so I walked 3 miles and ran 3 miles... felt good. Early in the week California executed another inmate. (I think it's 11 in 32 years.) When I really think about the death penalty, I always creat a bit of inner-turmoil. The thought of the government taking peoples' lives seems primitive and a bit barbaric but when you read about what these people did... I do understand. It's one of those decisions I'm glad I don't have to make. There's lots of fog lately. Fog is known as "escape dust" in prison so when fog is really thick, we aren't allowed outside. I've personally done lots of time in prison. Most of my other sentences in prison I was at minimum security prisons. Time is so much easier. I had a full-time job and I could shower, exercise, etc. when I wanted. Time went by much faster. Other than my 10-minute shower today, I'm in the cell all day. My point is time goes by much slower in medium/maximum security prisons. Anyway, my life has begun to revolve around T.V. (My own fault.) I have plenty of books to read (I'm reading Main Street/Sinclair Lewis.) I talked to Mom this week. She's healthy and sounds great. She'll turn 78 this year. I feel so fortunate to still have her in my corner. I'm an only child and have a few regrets about what I did with my life. Talking to Mom always reminds me. 'Til next week.

Week #4 - 30 Jan 2005

This week was work and not much else. Earlier this week the So. Mex. & Whites had an "incident" (a fight). We're locked down. However since ol' Paul (me) is a "critical worker" (the canteen), I still get to go to work. Critical workers in prison are inmates that are needed so that the prison continues to operate - Clerks, kitchen, etc. When incidents like this happen (inter-racial fights), the prison allows for a cooling-off period and interviews the inmates of both races. When the institution is convinced there will be no further trouble, we go back to "normal programming". The Superbowl is this coming weekend so football season will be over. Bummer. This month is almost over and it's a good sign when the 1st month of 2005 ends so quickly (or any month!) The weather has gotten better but 3 days ago we got a delivery at work. It rained when the delivery came and I got to work in it. I love the rain! It puts me in sort of a melancholy mood. (I love fog, too.) This week was okay.

Week #5 - 5 Feb 2005

This week began with the Superbowl and the end of the football season. The team I wanted to win lost, so (for me) it ended on a sour note. Oh well. Sports is huge in prison (especially when you watch as much T.V. as I do), so I now must look forward to baseball in April. I worked one day this week so it's been kind of slow. I've been giving some thought to my future, (although I don't get out for another 5 years) and I truly hope to make something out of the remainder of my life. It's times like this I regret so much of my past actions in life. It's a little late for that now but prison gives people so much time to reflect - too much time. Anyway, that's why keeping busy and active is so important in here. Our prison lock-down still isn't over so we still have this ??? program. Our prison movies last week were "King Arthur" (***) and "The Terminal" (**1/2). Pretty good movies. 'Til next week...

Week #6 - 13 Feb 2005

Another week gone by and not a whole lot has happened. I worked 3 days this week so I was kind of busy. Mostly T.V. I get mail periodically but I really miss personal interaction with someone. Rarely in my life have I met someone where I could really share each others' lives. It seems I expect more out of my friends that what they give. When I get a letter, I go over it, answer all the questions, comment on their comments, etc. It's difficult to find simple penpals while in prison. I expect too much. It might be surprising to people in the free world but just because a person is locked up with so, so many other people by no means makes "friends" easy to find. Oh well. I have less than 5 years left so it'll be over before I know it. This weeks movies: "Raising Helen" (**1/2) with Kate Hudson, pretty good; and "Anchorman" (**) - goofy, but funny at times. ANother week gone (6 down, 46 to go - this year)...

Week #7 - 20 Feb 2005

Another quick week is over. I called my Mom this week and a "block" was on her phone. The prison phone company makes it necessary that my Mom have a pre-paid account with them so my collect calls don't build up to an enormous, unpayable amount. (The phone company isn't an independent prison-only company, just the one they have a contract with.) Anyway, I wrote her so I'm sure she'll "fix" it soon. My week has turned into looking forward to: "24", Medium, Gilmore Girls, Lost, CSI:NY, O.C., ER, #rd Warch, Saturday Night Live and Desperate Housewives. (Eva Longoria is quite popular in prison...) Obviously, T.V. is a sometime big part of prison life. (Jeff Gordon won the Daytona 500!!! Yea!!!) No much this week going on. (In prison, that's a good thing.)

Week #8 - 27 Feb 2005

Another week is gone. Pretty uneventful. Doing time in a maximum security prison (here) is quite a bit different than my past experience in minimum security facilities. (Footnote: I'm 53 years old; I've spent over 20 years of my adult life incarcerated.) Anyway, in this prison, I get an average of 2 hours a week outside for recreation. In a minimum facility, it's between 20-30 hours a week. With that in mind, one can understand how I would have to focus my time away from recreation and toward something else. T.V., reading and writing get a bit boring. I only worked a couple days this week because they're doing inventory. (Again, I work in the prison canteen/grocery store.) I get paid for working in prison (most people don't work and a lot of them don't get paid.) I made $30 this month, but I have a large court-ordered restitution fine ($10,000) so they take 44% of my pay and it goes toward paying off my restitution. (SO, my pay check is roughly $16) I always remember one thing: things could always be worse. I could be without a paying job, any kind of job, or not have a release date. There are many people in this prison who are never getting out. I try to remember that to avoid getting down. 2 months down, 10 to go...

Week #9 - 6 March 2005

This week was good. I heard from 3 of the most important people in my life. First was my Mom. In prison we are allowed quarterly packages from selected vendors that can contain food, cosmetics, tennis shoes and various other approved items. She sent me a card and a package with lots of goodies in it. (Mostly sweets.) It's kind of ironic that I like sweets but once I have them, I don't eat them much. Sort of psychological. When I'm deprived of something, I want it. Once I get it, I lose interest. Anyway, she doesn't work so for her to help me out is truly appreciated. (It also compounds my personal guilt... but that's another story.) I also got 2 letters. One each from 2 good friends. People sometimes don't write as much as I'd like them to but when they do, it totally makes up for it. Prison can sometimes put true friendships to a test. Then again, that's not fair for me to say. Just because people don't write me while I'm in prison doesn't mean they don't care. People out there have their own problems and lives to live. This week's prison movies were "Catwoman" and "Lady Killers". Neither movie was very good. (Yea, I'm a regular Roger Ebert!) All in all, a good week.