The journal of Jennifer Baden
7 April 2007
This is my first journal entry. I've been wanting to write it for some time, but I've been in confinement without paper and pen. Luckily my mind is like a steel trap (rusted shut) and I recall a lot of things I wanted to talk about.
One thing really stands out in my mind I have to write about. Lisa has really touched my life. I've never spoken to her, don't know what she looks like, what she did to come to prison or anything about her. What I do know about Lisa is that she will remain eternally eighteen years old.
It was Halloween and Lisa was touched with a severe depression. It's amazing how a person could get crippled with a problem anther person would find superficial and blow off. Lisa's crippling "problem" boiled down to an extra twelve days in confinement. That "problem" drove Lisa to her death.
Lisa was a typical teenager. I have children older than her. I wish I knew she was upset because I would have shown her that her problem wasn't as severe as she thought.
She had a history of suicidal thinking. The week prior to her death, she was in the crisis unit so she would not hurt herself.
When I person tells another person, "Hey I'm thinking about killing myself, "I think that is a cry for help. I don't think that a person is quite ready to die. That's what Lisa told the confinement officer. Additionally, Lisa asked to speak to the mental health person who is there 24 hours a day, for that purpose exclusively.
I don't know what possessed this officer to tell her, "Let me know when you kill yourself."
Just as I will never forget Lisa, neither will I ever forget the officer. I can recall the shock on her face when she found Lisa's bloated body sitting on the floor, with a sheet tied around her neck and bunk bed.
I know with all certainly the officer won't forget Lisa either. She is now utilizing the same mental health treatments Lisa used when she was alive. Truth be told, Lisa hunts her.
The officer cannot bear to walk into confinement. She is afraid to look into another room, in fear of seeing another dead child. Never in a million years, I'm sure this officer would have thought her callous remarks would have hurt someone on such a grand scale. She no longer works in the institution.
On a personal note, I resent my tax dollars paying this officer's salary, mental treatment, sick days, and ultimate transfer to another prison. Call me mean, but she's not fit to hold the badge she wears.
I will never forget the sound of Lisa's cousin screaming! Yes, her cousin saw her dead body. For hours she screamed and cried. Where was the sympathy? Where was the compassion? It certainly wasn't in the suicide/crisis cell they moved Lisa's cousin into. No, Lisa's cousin wasn't suicidal. She was outraged and plead for someone to get on a phone to let someone know how Lisa died. They moved Lisa's cousin to an area where no one could hear her.
Many hours later, the chaplain (a man) comes around going room to room telling us "this was God's Will!" God's will?! That's another salary I don't want paid out of my tax dollars!
Lisa has been dead a little over five months. Nothing has changed. I can still hear the screams in my head and I'm still as angry. I will never forget Lisa and I hope you will say a brief prayer for her and think about her for a minute or two.