The journal of Joseph Fritz

Table of Contents:

April 16th, 2007

I started a journal a couple of years ago, but never really followed through. I felt that there was so little of interest in here, what could anyone out there find interesting about the day to day life in here? However, I know some are interest, as I will be doing my best to send a journal entry at least every two weeks.

First a little about me. My name is Joseph Fritz, although friends call me Joey. I am 34 years old (12/28/72) and have been incarcerated for 14 years. I still have 21 years to go before I'm eligible for parole, since I have a life sentence for a capital murder conviction. I spend my days in an 8' by 12' cell, by myself, 23 hours a day. I get one hour recreation if I want it per day. I have been in this single cell situation since March of 2001, and honestly, I see no relief in sight for getting out of it. I keep myself strong mentally though, because to do otherwise would be inviting the demons in. Being insecure probably would make my life easier, but to give in is to give up, and that is not an option.

I keep myself occupied in the usual ways for those of us in ere. I draw, I read, I play games (especially ones like Dungeons and Dragons) and most of all, I write. I write articles, I write stories, I write (and re-write) books and I write letters (usually to people who don't write back). I simply love to write; all different kinds of writingÂ...I always have around 4-6 projects (sometimes more) in the works, because I tend to get bored or burned out on a project after working on it too long, and it's good to have something else to work on. I work on newsletters, do design for the D+D game, write fictional stories, and many other smaller writing projects. Nothing expands the mind more than writing in my opinion, not even reading When you read, you can learn things that are present in that particular text, but when you write you can learn by having to formulate your own thoughts so your writing is intelligible to those who read it.

Writing is also an outlet to get past all the drama of the place, as is drawing and other similar pursuits. This place is a churning rumor mill of all kinds of things, and rumors that reach the wrong ears take on a life of their own. If someone in here says someone is talking about someone else, that person will hear about it, and drama will ensue. It is our nature to want to believe what we hear in here, because our existence in ere is so boring and drab. The rumor will become worse when it involves the mentally unbalanced... and believe me, there are plenty of those in here especially in single cell lock-up. However, by writing (and other things) you can help get past the drama of all of this by not partaking in it. I usually put my headphones on, and start writing. Of course, this doesn't stop others from putting you in the middle of things... which happens as well. There is really a fine line in here when it comes to us dealing with each other.

Overall, there is more drama in here than a soap opera combined with wrestling! Just about as absurd as well. You can find every stereotype, every intolerance, every characteristic, etc of people in here. You want a Â"formerÂ" crack head that sold "keys" of coke? Got that! You want a pimp that managed 100 Â"hos?Â" Got that. You want someone that was big time doing hits and armed robbery? Got that. You want someone that was running big time scams? Got that too. That and a thousand other things. Of course, it's a matter of filtering what you hear though. About 80% of the time, the dope dealer was in reality only a dope addict. The pimp probably was too, and doesn't know anything about pimping. So many in here try to be what they're not, mostly because they're ashamed. This is somewhat the problem in creating drama, as a lot of times in here, if you tell someone something in here, they will call you on it.

Myself, I do what I can to stay about the b/s. It's just not worth it to me, I have better things to do. Being white in the Texas prison system is hard enough by itself, and causes problems, why should I go looking for more? No sane person would.

That's all for this entry. As I said, I'll do my best to keep you all updated on my little life, my thoughts and my opinions.

April 18th, 2007

Only 2 days since my last entry, and here I am again. It's incredible how much can happen in so short a time. Though I didn't know it, as I was writing my last entry, a madman was loose on the campus of Virginia Tech. I have had some time to get my thoughts together and I feel the need to express them to all of you.

First, my heart goes out to all those who lost a loved one in the tragedy, including the parents and family of the man who went on the rampage. It is all so senseless; there can be no excuse, no rationalization for the events that transpired. I cannot fathom how someone could fall as low to the point where killing 32 people and then themselves seems like a viable option. The signs were there that this young man was troubled, why weren't steps taken to prevent something like this? True enough, the law can do nothing until a law has been broken, but there are other measures surely that could have been taken. They had tried sending him to see a counselor, but he went once and never went back. Were his parents notified? Probably not, since he was an "adult." The disturbing stories, etc he had been writing brought about the concerns of his teacher, but how come, when they persisted after repeated warnings about them, was he allowed to continue on?

It never ceases to amaze me how low we can go. As a criminal myself (reformed- I hope!) in here for murder myself, the mindset of such an individual is completely alien to me. This was not a spur of the moment thing either. It was thought out, planned out. The part that even gives me the chills is the fact that after he killed the first two people, he then went back to his own room for nearly 2 hours! I have heard his rampage was triggered by extreme rage; well if it was, it was an ice cold rage. No one in a hot fit of rage that usually accompanies such acts is generally capable of such analytical thought, such as securing the doors with chains, writing a note after he killed the first two people, etc. This is cold calculation, not white hot rage.

So, while you offer prayers, candlelight vigils, and everything else for the 32 people who were killed, take a moment or two to think about this troubled young man who lies dead as well, by his own hand. Who knows why he really did it? Even with a note, it is all still moonbeams and conjecture and probably always will be. Even the Â"expertsÂ" really won't know, because while they are the experts, you cannot truly understand someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

Make no mistake, I am not apologizing or making excuses for this young man. What he did was deplorable, and beyond evil. I simply am offering my viewpoint on this whole terrible tragedy. People may not think we are affected in here by events happening in the free world, but I assure you, at least some of us are. Once again, my heart gives out to all of the family and friends directly affected by this. For everyone else, give you loved ones a hug and kiss, a phone call, even a letter. Let them know you care, because you never know when this will be the last time you may see or hear them.

15 June 2007

Greetings,

Yes, I know I haven't kept my promise of writing an update for this journal every 2 weeks. The fact is, things here have been hectic and while there is pretty much always time here, sometimes things happen that impede progress.

First, they have been shuffling us around here. Seems they found a three foot hole...(I'll pause to let that sink in) in a wall that leads outside a cell. It was the foot thick concrete part of the wall not yet the stucco façade as of yet. I am guessing the individual was waiting for just the right set of circumstances to finish it off and do what he planned. So, they have been moving us all around and they say they'll be doing it again every 90 days. So a further result, the officers have been more vigilant than even with concerns to pulling us out for "shakedown" of our cells, which is cramping my style somewhat because I can't get a decent batch of homemade wine going before they come around yet again ☺ Sucks to be me...

Since I've moved, I have a completely new set of neighbors, so time is spent each day talking with them, swapping stories, and otherwise feeling each other out. Other than harassment from the officers, the worst thing in here is a bad neighbor (or a bad cellie, for those double housed). I'm pretty lucky this time around. With the exception of one mentally off dude that lives across from me, all the rest seem okay. Time will tell. Then again, according to the powers that be, , I'll be moving again in 90 days. We'll see.

Other than that, things around here haven't been too bad, all things considered. After 14 years of this, not much fazes me anymore. I just do my thing, my artwork, my writing projects, and do what I need to do in order to get through another day. Only 7,713 more days to go!

On a sad note, my favorite magazine is ceasing publication. ☹ No I am not talking about FHM, its already stopped! I am speaking of Dragon Magazine, the official magazine of Dungeons and Dragons game ☹ I truly looked forward to receiving it each month, and now it will be gone after just 2 more issues. Blame it on the internet, because they say they will continue posting content there. But the last time I checked, none of my electrical appliances will access the internet. So it is a sad day for those of us who are true gamers.

I will end this entry for now, and try to be better about updating it.

12 July 2007

Greetings once again! Yeah, I know, so much for "every two weeks", right? Hey, I've been busy, sitting in this box and doing my best to not go crazy. That can be a full time job sometimes.

Seriously though, I have not been stagnant. I have been working on projects for my D&D game, working on getting some interactive stuff done for it for Prisoner Express, I've been writing erotic stories, I've been drawing, and all in all, have seriously been staying busy as hell! 24 hours in a day, I need about 10 more...

I'm still stuck in the same cell I was last time, and I hate it. Being in the middle of the section where 20 people can look into my cell sucks. Of course, I can turn my light off and they can't see me, but who wants to live like that? Of course, I'm dead wrong if I am running around in my cell stark named, right? ;-) Just part of the drama of living in this environment. Why is another man looking into my cell? He doesn't wear gray like the officers do here, so why are they so concerned with what I'm doing? Like I said, I am not happy with my current living arrangements, but being locked up involves adapting and more than a little sacrifice. Part of my debt to society. Only 21 more years to go...

I have been getting more serious about my writing too (though you wouldn't know it from all these mistakes in my spelling), I want to get published worse than anything these days, even if its just desktop publishing. I am throwing hooks out into the water in this regard, and am trying to be more diverse in my writing subjects. I mainly write fantasy stories, D&D related articles (R.I.P Dragon Magazine), and erotic stories and letters. Just to pass the time, for other's enjoyment (okay, for mine too as I reread them), and to keep my mind always working on something. This is what I do, so why not try to break into print? I still have a couple of decades left to do in here, and at 34 right now, that will have me older than I would like to be when I come up for parole, and I will need a little something to help give me a 'boost' when I get out. Who is going to hire someone that has been locked up for 35 years for murder? Few and far between there.

I have been trying to pay attention to the news too, especially the coverage of the Presidential candidates. Have we ever had such a class of clowns? Not clowns in the traditional sense, just metaphorically. There is no clear candidate for either party, and we are halfway through the preliminaries of finding a candidate. The Democrats have three bad choices as there front runners. Not bad because they are bad, just bad because of the baggage they bring to the race. Hillary Clinton has all the baggage of her husband, plus she is a woman on top of that. As American's I would like to think we are above looking at gender as the first consideration for a 'real' candidate, but in reality I know this is a crock. She is qualified, she has already spent 8 years in the White House, and if you think Bill wasn't the type to talk politics on the pillows, think again. Hillary is the real brain power of that duo, though Bill has all the charisma. Look for Hillary to show strong in the primaries because Bill will be making speeches on her behalf too. Barak Obama would be a serious choice but for a couple of things. One, his race, and second, his name! Again, sounds a lot like Osama. Bottom line. On top of this, he is too young (early 40's), and has little real experience. Five years ago no one knew his name. However, in his favor I the fact that he is a favorite of the 'common man', and many ladies love him too. He is the real 'rock star' of the race, and this will give him a strong showing in the primaries. Look for Obama to utilize popular culture strategies to get his message out (eg Rock the Vote, Vote of Die, etc al). Lastly, we have John Edwards. He has the face, the personality, and yes, even the experience. His main baggage comes from is failed attempt at running with John Kerry in the last election. People still remember him trying to be "Mr. Somber Face" alongside Kerry â€" and failing miserably. In his favor is the fact that he will generate sympathy from that same failed attempt, as well as the struggle is wife is going through with her battle for cancer. Which also is a liability, because it creates instability in the peoples minds with concerns for him. Haven't we all lost someone close to us? Do you remember how you felt? Now imagine having the weight of the concerns of the NATION on your shoulders while trying to deal with that. Bad, very bad. Look for Edwards to disappear quietly after the primaries.

Now consider the Republicans (Do we have to?). They really only have two viable candidates. John McCain is the strongest truly, and would have the best chance if it wasn't for his strong pro-war stance. In light of everything else, this will be his undoing. Both sides of the spectrum are sick to death of this war! Mitt Romney is the other viable contender for the Republicans, and while he looks like a President, and acts like one, and has experience, there is the issue of his faith. Mormons by their very nature are secretive, and do the American people really want a Republican back in office that will keep even more secrets than the one we have now? He'll pass with the ultra-conservatives, being a Mormon, but the moderates will want to go with someone else. So, when we elect a new President in November of 2008, who knows who it will be? If I was a betting man (and betting were legal in this state), I would go with Hillary Clinton, though it would depend on who her running mate was. We'll have to see.

So, things here are normal. Busy, but normal. These next months will surely see more projects for me. Diversity is key to maintaining sanity in here, and if I haven't went crazy yet, its doubtful if I ever will. Of course, the truly insane never acknowledge the fact they are going crazy.... something to think about ☺ Until next time...Shout out to Ani, you know who you are ;-)

-Joey

July 25th, 2007

Just two more days folks. Two more days, and I will have 14 years done. Flat. If I received the good time I see accumulating on my time sheets these people insist on sending me every month, I would have around 21 years or so to the good, but because I am doing "aggravated" time, I don't get the good time, work time and the like that others do. And they wonder why it's called "aggravated time".

Yes, just two more days. Then, three and a half more years, and I am at my halfway point. That will be a major milestone for me, and I am already planning on how to celebrate it. Yes, I will have 17 Â" more years to do in here yet at that point, but halfway through is a serious milestone. It's all downhill from there. Before I know it, I will have just 10 years to do, then 5 and then, just when I am getting good and settled after 35 years in this place, they'll be at my door kicking me out.

I'll leave running!

So, in light of all of this, what am I doing? I am finally doing what I should have been doing for at least the last six and a half years. I am trying to get enrolled in a writing course, to try and get into print, and make a little money. The idea, of course, is to have something put back for when I get out of here. I will be 55 years old when I am eligible for parole, my options will be severely limited. 55 years old, unemployed for the past 35 years, and all of that 35 years spent in prison for capital murder? I may as well just take up residence in the nearest cardboard box, I think it would be a better and more constructive use of my time than filling out the applications for employment that will most likely be dismissed out of hand. Hence, the writing course. I am fortunate that I have a couple of friends that help me from month to month with a little money to make commissary. It's not a ton of money, but I think it will be enough to help pay for this course.

I am excited, taking this step to ensure my future. I of course have grand plans (doesn't everybody in this place?) although I realize that things have to progress by baby steps. First of all, as a Texas prisoner I am not allowed to make money through any enterprise that isn't sanctioned by the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, so anything I write has to be submitted through a third party. I don't have a problem with that, but it still sucks. I could just try and slip under the radar and publish it in my name, but it will be my luck that some muckity muck here in Texas will happen to read that book/article/story instructional, and that will happen to be someone that is familiar with me because of my long tenure as a prisoner here, and all of a sudden I find all my assets frozen and the rights to my work taken. So... just another obstacle to work through. As a prisoner, I am used to working through much tougher obstacles than this.

Other than that, not just a lot has changed. I am still in the same cell as the last couple of entries, still not happy about it, but enduring. What else can I do, except for acting up to get moved? That's pretty petty, and not my style. It's part of us here always waiting on something, and never satisfied with what we have. Every unit is "better than this one" every cell is "better than this one", etc. No matter where a person is here, we are never satisfied, and are always waiting on something. We're waiting for meals, waiting to get clean clothes, waiting for mail, waiting to go to work (well not me, I'm in a single cell lock-up as many are), waiting on visits, and waiting to go home. Always waiting, and never satisfied, that sums up the existence of the prisoner. What, am I bitter? Not at all, why would you say that? ;-) (Damn, now I'm talking to my typewriter). Seriously though, it's just the same ol' thing, different day.

My personal life still sucks. I have a couple of good friends, but no romantic interests. Maybe its because I just tend to give off the "friends only" vibe in my letters. When new people write, I make that clear pretty early on that I prefer "just friends" because it is easier that way. Less complicated, and just better. I have actually had some success too. Being "just friends" has worked far better than trying to become romantically involved. Keeping it all casual can be just as rewarding. I didn't always think like this, there have been times in the past where I would do anything, say anything, to get the romantic Â'hook up,' you know? Having all of this time though, these things never lasted. It was fun for the person out there for a while, the novelty of having someone in prison that they felt they were in love with, a person they could go out and do whatever in the club, the streets, etc, and that person was in prison and had no say so in this.

That's all for this entry. I will have another one soon.