The journal of William Kelley
1 May 2007
Have succeeded in losing about 15 pounds so far. I'll be where I want to be in another month or so.
I already feel my brain responding in a positive manner to the reduction of caloric intake. I sleep less, sleep deeper and can think more clearly than when I was overeating.
2 May 2007
Brahm Stoker's Dracula, Goethe's Faust Anne Rice's Taltos, Shelley's Frankenstein's Monster, Sir Arthur C. Clarke's 2010 & 3001 and Sagan's Contact. These are the only books I can recall having read through in a single sitting.
I just read Contact and was blown away. Why do we lose such towering luminaries to cancer? How much more could Sagan have contributed to our betterment as a species?
You are dearly missed, Carl.
3 May 2007
Max Tegmark makes the argument that at an almost infinite distance away there is an exact duplicate of ourselves and everything we know. If I understand him correctly, this is a result of the math required in the so-called "Many Worlds" approach to quantum decoherence or collapse.
If this is the case, then why just one? What about the next one at yet another almost infinite remove from that one? And why stop there? If there are infinite reproductions of ourselves and everything else, isn't this just another conformation of what the eastern seers have been telling us about the endless reflection in the "diamond" facets of the universe?
Or, for that matter, if space-time is curved as Einstein and the other mental giants among us seem to make such a convincing case for, isn't this "doppelganger" of mine at an almost infinite remove just another roundabout way of saying it is me? If space-time is curved, then everything is in a sense self-referential. We are merely looking at the kaleidoscope image from the other end.
Is this in a way like saying that the universe (multiverse, whatever) is actually a kind of hologram in time and space? Constructed of ever decreasing replicas of itself, each "part" having all the information necessary for the whole?
4 May 2007
Began Broca's Brain (by Sagan) last night. I am convinced I'll need to obtain all of his books eventually.
When did reading National Geographic become such a drag? I can't get through a single issue these days without heartbreak.
5 May 2007
Celebrating the Mexican victory over France with the Battle of Puebla today. This Cinco de Mayo holiday seems to be a bigger event in Texas than it is in Mexico itself. That's strange...
It appearing that Einstein being correct about gravity bending space-time, I have to wonder whether we ourselves, being at least somewhat "massive" also have an effect on space and time by our mere existence? What might this mean? Even though we cannot at present measure such an effect, that doesn't mean there is none. Imagine for a moment that our physical existrence is de facto the access portal to that beyond space-time! Baba Muktananda has said again and again, "Why seek far away what is right inside of you?" Christ and the other seers also attest to the "many mansions" of the kingdom of heaven, and affirms that "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you."
If our sense of space and time is confined to this continuum, then isn't it a reasonable hypothesis that the opposite of space-time (outside of living experience) is the lack thereof? Ergo, there is no more time: eternity.
That is the puzzle, isn't it? Why do we live our entire lives believing that our experience of eternity will be through the limited sensory means of our human bodies? Is being born again really no more than awakening a new portion of our minds beyond space-timeā"what some call the super consciousness? (And Jesus and Mahavira lacked scientific means of explaining what is still almost inexplicable by means of the most sophisticated mathematical terms?) "spirit is spirit and flesh is flesh." The flesh is confined to this word and no one gets out alive. It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven...and "rich" might not mean only financial excess. It could mean rich in sensory stock, thoughts, fears, etc.
May 9th, 2007
THE DRIVE
Two neurology researches in Tel Aviv announced and published their success in "training" a neuron grown on a chip to remember a sequence of chemical stimulations --in essence, forming a "memory". They dripped neurochemicals onto the neutron in patterned sequences, stimulating the formation of memory, then altered the sequence and trained the same neuron to fire in a new sequence, basically forming a second memory!
Other researchers had succeeded in training neurons to remember with electrical impulses, but when the pattern was changed, the original "memory" was somehow destroyed or lost, not so, this one.
The practical application and implications of this finding are none short of astounding!
* * *
The Shaivists teach that there is not only a "subtle" body, but a causal body as well. This causal body is said to be outside the limitations of space and time...but isn't all causation by necessity contained within the space time continuum? Wouldn't a personal "causal" body be the equivalent of the First Cause? The Unmoved Mover? The Primum Mobile? In essence, GOD?
Is that what they are trying to teach me? How can someone limited by the flesh and material world experience this on any meaningful, repeatable basis? Whose Will is at root of the cause anyhow? Surely not the ego or id or superego or any other of the lesser mental constructs we may identify with words?
* * *
What is the sacrifice required to garner optimum position with respect to what Ray Kurzweil is calling "The Singularity"? Aside from slowing down my metabolism, not introducing any more free radicals into my system than is absolutely necessary, and avoiding my demise by disease or unfortuitous accident, what else is required?
Money. It appears that to even approach a chance for surviving to see the "singularity" I will need to bring to bear quite considerable financial resources.
This seems to me to be as much an element of fickle fate as anything intentional. I can prepare all I want, but if opportunity never knocks, what is to be done for it?
Nothing, unless one subscribes to the belief that we all in some way create our own realities...but that appears to lead to a bunch of speculative brouhaha. Every bit of evidence for this so-called principle which I have ever examined seemed for some reason to be in no way connected to the powers of the conscious will, but rather, to the subconscious or unconscious impulses that constantly work to undermine our rational intentions in life.
It is said that the "realized" masters, the enlightened ones and the true wizards were able to substitute their conscious will by force over and above their unconscious. By silencing the voices of dissonance within, great focus is obtained and harnessed.
THE DRIVE
Have been self-medication with flextime, 20 mg am&pm. It is helping tremendously. Surprisingly, my sixteen years of suffering from irritable bowel syndrome and benign prostate enlargement are beginning to slacken. The combination of weight loss, Prozac, meditation and introspection seems to augment my self-discovery through writing and journaling.
I have to wonder now hoe much wear and tear on my body could have been avoided, free radicals reduced and stress hormones kept to a minimum had I received competent medical care before I understand to learn for myself and become my own doctor. "Physician, heal thyself..."
Not only have I had to be own lawyer, but now I have to be my own doctor, too.
* * *
It occurred ti taking is helping me tremendously in my deep meditation. It seems to silence the "craving" aspects of my appetite functions. In a sense, these functions are all competing "voices" within my consciousness which work to distract me when I am not taking the Prozac. At some point I'm going to have to stop taking the Prozac and see whether I can silence those voices on my own...that's what "No mind" meditation is about, isn't it?
If the true value of high art is its ability to capture and imitate life , then tragedy in the written word has to be the highest expression of the artistic creation of mankind. Michelangelo's David and the Venus de Milo are indeed beautiful, but they cannot move and that which they have to say to us is limited for that reason. Same with the works of the Flemish masters, the Sistine Chapel, etc. The ultimate realization of life's is grasping its overwhelming tragedy. Shakespeare must for that reason be the supreme realizations of artistic expression.
July 25th, 2007
THE DRIVE
A falling off shows me how contrary to my nature such a goal truly is. In effect I am driving myself to try complete sublimation and rarification to the point of what may prove pathos. How does one become "more human than human"? It is an expression of faithlessness in "the creator's" plan for the unfoldment of life on this planet. There seems to be no plan, so there can be no "true nature". But just because I can see no pattern of a plan, does that mean there is none? And isn't whatever I do ultimately part of this proposed "plan"? Is everything just chance?
There seems to me to be three ultimate choices:
First, a choice rooted in the duality. Either have "faith in God" and try my best ti do right by whatever belief system I can get myself to accept and not worry myself with the world; or to reject the "faith-based" approach and put my every effort into becoming an "Antichrist" or Luciferian, whatever, then "evil" will have to be something I accommodate in my psyche and become entirely comfortable with my shadow self.
Then there ir the "third way", basically taught by the eastern schools of thought, like Buddhism. There "is no good or evil" in this approach. What is simply is. The way out of the chains of bondage to karma and maya is no annihilate all sense of ego self.
An examination of nature around leads me to reject the faith-based and third way approaches. There never was a "garden of Eden" or a world without predation and violence. The true nature of the creator is overwhelming displayed in bloody tooth and claw. The Will To Power seems to me the best vehicle through which to preserve myself -- even at the individual ego level. If science can produce such miracle, then it is all we need. So far, it is the only thing that seems to have made good on any promises. I must get back on the wagon.