The journal of Michael Wood
November 19th, 2007
I have tried for 15 years to locate my biological mother, whom I've never met, and I'm hoping that she may read this and be inspired to contact me.
I don't want to complicate her life or, bring up any bad memories but, I need closure to a chapter of my life that I am so uncertain about, and have so much trepidation about trying to remember.
She left before I was a year old. At least that was what I was told by my father. She left me with my father and disappeared without even leaving a trace or, a trail for me to be able to follow. I am in prison with a very limited amount of money to back a search for her. That's why I'm turning to alternative routes such as this journal. Because if my mother reads this I hope she knows I do not blame her for anything. I just want to connect with her for a time so that I can know who my mother is, and most importantly of all I want to hold her and cry, and ask her to forgive me for being bad enough to make her feel she had to leave. I love my mother and I pray that she is alive and well because it would destroy me if she weren't.
Please mom, contact me if you're reading this because I am unmarried and I've vowed to remain single and childless, even though I desire both, until I find you.
I remain single because I want my mom to be at my wedding, and I want my mom to witness the birth of my first child. I want to share so much with my mom but can't and I cannot help but deny myself love, marriage, or happiness until I close that chapter in my life.
Well, I hope this has reached my mom and I will hear from her soon because I should be getting out of prison in 2008, even though it's not guaranteed, and meeting my mom would be a very life-changing experience.
11-20-07
Tonight at 8:56 pm while watching T.V. and listening to my radio, I realized something about myself. I am lonely, even being surrounded by hundreds of people I'm still lonely. This is quite profound and it never occurred to me before that a person could be deprived of any privacy, such as is the case in prison, yet be lonely...you'd think that with 100% human contact and interaction 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year that a person couldn't possibly be lonely. Yet it's true, at least it is for myself.
Does this even make sense to anyone or, am I tripping-out on myself?
11-21-07
Well today isn't bad at all considering that I'm in prison...at least I'm still drawing a breath. I'd much rather be sitting on the porch of a log-cabin by a lake in the mountains and hills of Montana. However, I made a mistake. I violated state laws. I committed a theft, and paid for it dearly...I was sentenced to two 60 year sentences by the judge after I refused to please guilty for a 6 year sentence. Had I pleaded guilty I would not be in prison now, and it's been 21 years since I pressed the issue for a jury trial! Am I crazy? Perhaps, but let me say that I may have been a thief but I was never a liar. If they or anyone asked me for the truth that's what they got, even if they didn't like it! I'm brutally honest but the reason I went to a jury trial even though I am guilty is because the victim claimed I stole a lot more than what I did. I admitted under oath what I took but I refuse to lie on myself and admit to stealing things that I did not take! Even today I will not say that I took everything the guy said I did, and I guess it's that hardheadedness that's got me trapped here at the mercy and whims of the State of Texas' penal system. I also guess it's true that I truly upset some powerful folks because I am still here 21 years later!
I am very bitter about how I was treated in court, and even more bitter about how I am being treated by the Parole Board, because year after year they keep setting me off for reasons that I can do nothing about. I'm even more bitter because I've lost my entire family...my father, step-mother, sister, brother, aunts, uncles and even cousins, they either have died or disowned me because I can't get out of prison, which leads them to believe I am staying in trouble. Which I'm not. I am the last one who can pass on the bloodline of my father's name, (Wood)...my brother is by marriage and my sister had Down's Syndrome and is now deceased.
I guess I'll stop ranting for now but I will return. This feels very good to be able to say these things!
11-22-07
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope everyone is having a great time with their families and friends! We all need family and friends, and I am really enjoying the entries to my journal because it allows me an avenue to share my feelings without peer pressure. In prison a person has to be careful what he or she says or they may be deemed weak and become a target for some predator. Having said that, I want to say that I really appreciate the journaling program!
11-23-07
What the *@!! Is wrong with G.W. Bush? Why won't that turd let our troops get out of Iraq? I believe the U.S. should be the top-dog and step forward at times to set a precedent with the World Community. But Iraq was not the time. If G.W. wanted to punish those who attacked us on 09-11 then he should've initiated an "Al-Queda hunt" like the Nazi hunt after WWII, and hold trial for those caught, like the trials at "Nuremburg". Wouldn't that have been cheaper on the American people and have saved all the lives of the soldiers we've lost since the "War on Terror" started? DUH!
11-24-07
Is there anyone besides myself that get really excited by a full-figured woman? I love big girls! For me a woman that's 5'6", auburn or red hair, blue or green eyes, 145 lbs., 44-30-42 is perfect! Does anyone agree?
11-25-07
Friends of mine were talking about foods we would like to have, and I said I'd like to have some fried green tomatoes, cracklings, homemade lasagna, and a cherry-cheese-cake, with a gallon of buttermilk to drink, and Mississippi-mud-pie ice-cream for desert. What would you choose if you could choose any food to eat in one meal? That's an interesting question isn't it?
11-26-07
Are there any Odinists or Asatruar's out there who have a loved one incarcerated? Are there any single Odinist or Wiccan women that I could share my religious take with? I am very outspoken and quite forward when it comes to my religious beliefs. I am very open-minded about religion. I enjoy talking at length about religious doctrine...it's very enlightening to find out what other people think. As a matter of fact, being a continuous student is what life is all about. Closing oneself off from other religious experiences is completely ignorant of you ask me, and there is nothing more deplorable than a person who is ignorant!