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Essay: "My Family"

by Larry Garmon
My family is a touchy subject for me -- not because of anger towards them, but of loneliness. You see, one does not know what they have until it's gone. I am from a family of four kids and I'm the oldest. I have three younger sisters, and I have a half brother who I don't know. He is 15 or 16 years old.

My sisters, starting from the oldest to the youngest: Annette, who is 32. She used to be the one I would talk to when there was a problem. Loretta is 30. To me, she was never the smartest in the family, but she has always looked up to me for comfort. Now Joanna is 26 years of age. She is the only one who succeeded in her goals and is still moving on to succeed. The rest of us kind of never made up our minds where we wanted to go, or how we wanted to get to success.

Now my parents. They were divorced when I was eight years old. Before the divorce, my mother's life was basically hell. My father was a truck driver and he would be gone most of the time. When he was in, he would get drunk and beat my mother until she was black and blue.

After the divorce we finally felt peace on the inside, but our trouble wasn't quite over yet. Although the physical abuse had ended, the financial income was gone. So Mom had to start working. She had to work 3rd shift. This way, she could work during the night, sleep in the morning, and spend time with us kids in the evening before she left for work. We were considered to be low class.

After a year my mother met my stepfather. He is a good man. He helped us through hard times. Now they have been married for almost 26 years.

Now that is a little of my family history. I did a lot of things toward them. I took for granted something I thought would always be there. But now I know. I know that when a person brings shame, or hurts their family in one way or the other, everyone loses all hope in me. They would be better to forget me than to remember what I had done to them.

So here I am sitting in prison, wanting to call home, knowing how much it would cost them, knowing what they think and knowing how they feel about me. Within the last two years, I didn't really know what family meant. Now I am here in prison sitting in my cell alone realizing that family is in the heart. A heart that would care, share, and be there when needed. But here I am, someone who didn't care, who didn't share, and was never around. Now I have this loneliness and this loneliness just didn't come my way, for it has been with me all my life.

If there is a family out there for you, take care of them. Be there for them, for once they are gone, there is no one left.