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Essay: "My Family"

It is October 12, 2003, original Columbus Day and my forty-third birthday. This is my twelfth straight birthday in a Texas prison cell. In the time the bridges I burned when free have come back to haunt my existence. Here I am, a man without a family of my own blood. Not alone, nevertheless.

This may seem sad, and though in a way it is, it really isn't. Family can be our greatest blessing. They are often our heaviest burden. I'm sure my failure to succeed has been a burden to mine. In my heart I ache that they gave up on me. Though I'm in prison for past crimes, I feel they could benefit for knowing who I have become for I have grown and am proud of who I am now. Never will I know my family's approbation nor will they know my success. In this we both lose.

For me, family must be found outside my blood line. The need for emotional support here cannot be fathomed from outside. In friendships, my world has been made whole. A small number of unique and special individuals saw potential in me when I was still an angry man full of pain. The letters they wrote extolling my need to write more gave me motivation to practice the craft of writing. Writing let me expel all the deepest fears and pains that had festered for so ling within me. The constructive criticisms of an intellectual peer group helped me see my weaknesses and find my voice. At every point, they gave me the support I needed. They are my family. If I miss the family of my blood, as I do on days like today, knowing there are those who care gives me comfort.

In prison there are many, like myself, who have burned their bridges and left themselves alone in a lonely world. With luck they too may find friends to fill the gaping void in their lives. You must show such friends the respect they deserve. Prisoners have gained a bad reputation in recent years by misusing good people who try to help them. Now we have to live down the transgressions of con artists. This is easily done. At every point, as your friendship grows, send proof of your words. Do this without being asked to show your honesty. We prisoners must be even more honest and reputable in our actions than others. We are living down a bad reputation.

In closing let me say that none of us have a choice in out families, but we can and do choose our friends. Being chosen as someone's friend is a gift of the gods. Never is it in any man's interest to besmirch such a gift.